What goes up can come down. And spiral.

March 2013 mission letter

This month has not been easy.

I wish I could report that my (Laurie's) small group of girls continued on the upward swing, but it seems as if they spiraled.

Aly and her sister, Addy, and sisters Stephanie and Elise were all kicked out for one month. The reasons they lost their teen center privileges are varied: One smoked pot in our bathroom, two others were repeatedly violent, and the fourth had a major outburst that could not be ignored. In each case, these incidents were the straw that broke the camel’s back. All of these girls have struggled with multiple discipline issues throughout their time here.

The most difficult thing about these ongoing issues is not even the fact that they did it, but that we understand why.

As mentioned in other letters, each teen has a history: Aly and Addy's dad is in and out of prison, and Stephanie and Elise's father is currently incarcerated. Their mother is on drugs.

The night before Elise broke our computer, I took her out to dinner. She came to Christ last October, and I had been itching to talk with her one-on-one after noticing her recent problems with rule-keeping.

Asweperusedthemenu,sheopenedupabout her day.

"My mom was so mad at us this morning," she said with a monotone voice and expressionless face. Elise has had thirteen years to practice stuffing her emotions. "Stephanie and I skipped school, and Mom threatened to call the truancy cops to drag us in."

As the story continued, it was apparent that her mother threatened more than that.

She threw a tantrum about them not going to school, and then slipped into the bathroom with a kitchen knife. Elise followed, and cracked open the door. She found her mom with blood trickling down her wrists. She had been cutting.

"’You're going to have to do a better job of hiding that knife,'" she said when her mom tried to hide the blade behind her back. Frustrated, her mother flew past her daughter and toward the

front door. "I'm going to go kill myself!" she screamed, the knife still in hand.

I stopped eating. "Have you heard from her since?"

Elise shook her head. "No one in my family has.” I quickly handed her my phone. I silently prayed that her mom was safe. I knew that she did drugs, and thought that the addiction paired with a suicide threat was not a good combination.

A half hour later, her mom called me back. After ensuring she was okay, Elise looked at her half-eaten burger. "I am going to bring this home to my mom.”

My heart broke. This child watched her mother scream at her, cut herself, and then threaten suicide all in one day. But Elise did not seem to care. All she could think of was whether or not her mom had eaten.

The next afternoon, I heard an uproar in the teen center. The result of the chaos was destructionofteencenterproperty.

There was a lot of finger-pointing, but I had a sense it was Elise. Pulling her aside, I hoped she might tell me the truth after our heart-to-heart the night before. Unfortunately, she lied, and aftermuchprayer,discussion,andconsideration of the previous times she broke the rules, it was decided she would not be allowed back until April 1. (I also made a call to Child Protective Services to ensure her and Stephanie’s safety.)

I felt frustrated and hopeless. Why did she not trust me enough to tell me the truth?

It took me only a few minutes to realize that her lying and destruction of property had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her home life.

She wants to scream. She wants to shout, "Life is not fair!" Instead, she breaks things.

Life is not fair. We all know it.

But the goal for Elise--and for me as her mentor--is to help her find proper ways to release her frustration about life, and to see that the emptiness left by an inadequate father and mother is wholly met by a Father who sees her. 

We've heard about the girls, but what about the guys?

Some Friday nights, we host concerts for the teens. Damien attends these safe events.

Matt does more than execute gang- prevention therapy in schools and run the day- to-day activities within the teen center.

He is also a mentor to many of the young men who walk through our doors each day.

One of these youths is Damien. Matt and Damien immediately clicked after meeting last fall. There was an unusual depth to this student, and Matt soon learned the reason.

Like all of the kids, he has a history. But unlike his contemporaries, he has chosen to put his energy into choosing a path other than violence and drugs to solve his problems.

Damien is originally from Salinas, California— about three hours away. Salinas does not mirror the picturesque perfection of neighboring Monterey Bay, but instead hosts heavy gang activity and crime.

Damien was hesitant to reveal all he has seen in his short, 18-years of life, but what Matt has been able to discover is not pretty.

Damien’s brother’s best friend was “gunned down” last year because of gang-activity. His brother planned to kill the shooter.

Through God’s intervention (Damien’s wording), his brother found himself in jail before he could carry out the plan. “That was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.”

The details are vague, but it sounds like Damien was jumped soon after the shooting.

These events prompted Damien to pack up his bags, leave his parents and sister, and move in with his grandparents in Lodi last fall.

Here, Damien has accepted Christ, improved his grades, and acts as a leader within the teen center. He often stays after the One-Eighty closes in order to help clean.

Knowing him is refreshing. Watching him make good choices is encouraging.

So what separates Damien from the rest of the teens who cannot seem to pull out of their past?

It’s hard to say.

Matt has a few thoughts: “I think he has actually seen God’s hand in the life of his family,” Matt said. “He sees how the life of drugs and retaliation and gangs and vengeance does not bring you to good places... He’s asking, ‘Where is my true worth if it’s not in being the strongest and most aggressive?’

“God has shown himself to be that answer.”