Hole in My Heart Ministries
  • Welcome
  • Blog
    • Blog Archives
  • About
    • About the Ministry
    • Videos & Podcasts
    • Endorsements
    • Core Needs
    • Resources >
      • Gay Friendly
  • Journey Well
  • Podcast
  • Contact
  • Partner

What goes up can come down. And spiral.

3/15/2013

0 Comments

 

March 2013 mission letter

Picture
This month has not been easy.

I wish I could report that my (Laurie's) small group of girls continued on the upward swing, but it seems as if they spiraled.

Aly and her sister, Addy, and sisters Stephanie and Elise were all kicked out for one month. The reasons they lost their teen center privileges are varied: One smoked pot in our bathroom, two others were repeatedly violent, and the fourth had a major outburst that could not be ignored. In each case, these incidents were the straw that broke the camel’s back. All of these girls have struggled with multiple discipline issues throughout their time here.

The most difficult thing about these ongoing issues is not even the fact that they did it, but that we understand why.

As mentioned in other letters, each teen has a history: Aly and Addy's dad is in and out of prison, and Stephanie and Elise's father is currently incarcerated. Their mother is on drugs.

The night before Elise broke our computer, I took her out to dinner. She came to Christ last October, and I had been itching to talk with her one-on-one after noticing her recent problems with rule-keeping.

Asweperusedthemenu,sheopenedupabout her day.

"My mom was so mad at us this morning," she said with a monotone voice and expressionless face. Elise has had thirteen years to practice stuffing her emotions. "Stephanie and I skipped school, and Mom threatened to call the truancy cops to drag us in."

As the story continued, it was apparent that her mother threatened more than that.

She threw a tantrum about them not going to school, and then slipped into the bathroom with a kitchen knife. Elise followed, and cracked open the door. She found her mom with blood trickling down her wrists. She had been cutting.

"’You're going to have to do a better job of hiding that knife,'" she said when her mom tried to hide the blade behind her back. Frustrated, her mother flew past her daughter and toward the

front door. "I'm going to go kill myself!" she screamed, the knife still in hand.

I stopped eating. "Have you heard from her since?"

Elise shook her head. "No one in my family has.” I quickly handed her my phone. I silently prayed that her mom was safe. I knew that she did drugs, and thought that the addiction paired with a suicide threat was not a good combination.

A half hour later, her mom called me back. After ensuring she was okay, Elise looked at her half-eaten burger. "I am going to bring this home to my mom.”

My heart broke. This child watched her mother scream at her, cut herself, and then threaten suicide all in one day. But Elise did not seem to care. All she could think of was whether or not her mom had eaten.

The next afternoon, I heard an uproar in the teen center. The result of the chaos was destructionofteencenterproperty.

There was a lot of finger-pointing, but I had a sense it was Elise. Pulling her aside, I hoped she might tell me the truth after our heart-to-heart the night before. Unfortunately, she lied, and aftermuchprayer,discussion,andconsideration of the previous times she broke the rules, it was decided she would not be allowed back until April 1. (I also made a call to Child Protective Services to ensure her and Stephanie’s safety.)

I felt frustrated and hopeless. Why did she not trust me enough to tell me the truth?

It took me only a few minutes to realize that her lying and destruction of property had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her home life.

She wants to scream. She wants to shout, "Life is not fair!" Instead, she breaks things.

Life is not fair. We all know it.

But the goal for Elise--and for me as her mentor--is to help her find proper ways to release her frustration about life, and to see that the emptiness left by an inadequate father and mother is wholly met by a Father who sees her. 

We've heard about the girls, but what about the guys?

Picture
Some Friday nights, we host concerts for the teens. Damien attends these safe events.
Matt does more than execute gang- prevention therapy in schools and run the day- to-day activities within the teen center.

He is also a mentor to many of the young men who walk through our doors each day.

One of these youths is Damien. Matt and Damien immediately clicked after meeting last fall. There was an unusual depth to this student, and Matt soon learned the reason.

Like all of the kids, he has a history. But unlike his contemporaries, he has chosen to put his energy into choosing a path other than violence and drugs to solve his problems.

Damien is originally from Salinas, California— about three hours away. Salinas does not mirror the picturesque perfection of neighboring Monterey Bay, but instead hosts heavy gang activity and crime.

Damien was hesitant to reveal all he has seen in his short, 18-years of life, but what Matt has been able to discover is not pretty.

Damien’s brother’s best friend was “gunned down” last year because of gang-activity. His brother planned to kill the shooter.

Through God’s intervention (Damien’s wording), his brother found himself in jail before he could carry out the plan. “That was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.”

The details are vague, but it sounds like Damien was jumped soon after the shooting.

These events prompted Damien to pack up his bags, leave his parents and sister, and move in with his grandparents in Lodi last fall.

Here, Damien has accepted Christ, improved his grades, and acts as a leader within the teen center. He often stays after the One-Eighty closes in order to help clean.

Knowing him is refreshing. Watching him make good choices is encouraging.

So what separates Damien from the rest of the teens who cannot seem to pull out of their past?

It’s hard to say.

Matt has a few thoughts: “I think he has actually seen God’s hand in the life of his family,” Matt said. “He sees how the life of drugs and retaliation and gangs and vengeance does not bring you to good places... He’s asking, ‘Where is my true worth if it’s not in being the strongest and most aggressive?’

“God has shown himself to be that answer.” 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    //About the Author

    Picture
    Laurie Krieg is broken, beloved, and gospel-addicted. Read more about her here.

      //Sign
      upto Receive Blog Updates

    Submit

    //Recent Posts

    Episode 34: How We Heal
    4.23.18
    How has the Krieg marriage been healing this last year? It's a real-life update.

    Episode 33: Sexual Discipleship

    4.13.18
    We are all sexually discipled. The question is not "if we are" but 'by whom'? Let's talk about how we, the Church, can sexually disciple better.

    Episode 32: Guiding Families
    4.8.18
    How can parents and leaders of LGBT+ people love them like Jesus?
    Guest: Bill Henson

    Are We in Love with Our Baristas?
    4.3.18
    What's the heart of attraction toward someone?

    Episode 31: How to Talk with the Kids
    3.30.18
    We have to talk with our kids about sex and sexuality, but how do we do it biblically?
    Guest: Branson Parler


    Episode 30: Women Struggle with Lust, Too
    3.23.18
    They do. (We do.) Quite a bit. Why are we so under-resourced and under-discussed?
    ​Guest: Amy Riordan

    Episode 29: It Takes a Village
    3.18.18
    How can youth pastors walk alongside LGBT+ youth well? 
    Guest: Ray Low

    Changing Theology, Not Orientation
    3.16.18
    One student's journey with her faith and sexuality
    Guest: Katie Melone

    Focus on Which Family?
    3.7.18
    How can we relate as a biblical family--single or married? 
    Guest: Dr. Branson Parler

    Podcast Episode 27: What's Really Best for the Kids?
    3.2.18
    How can we disciple our kids without hurting their hearts?

    Podcast Episode 26: Marriage: What Is It Good For?
    2.23.18
    The team draws timely connections between marriage, singleness, LGBT+ people, and the Church.
    Guest: Branson Parler

    The Day I Became Wonder Woman
    2.23.18
    Can God heal painful memories? Yeah.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 25: Friends in Low Places
    2.16.18
    How can you be a helpful friend to someone in pain? How can you be a helpful person in pain to your friends? Let's talk about it.
    ​Guest: Tammy Perlmutter

    The Three Spiritual Identities
    2.11.18
    Performance? Grace? Or Love? Where do you live?

    Podcast Episode 24: Is There Hope for Us?
    2.7.18
    On our nine-year anniversary, we ask that question.

    Podcast Episode 23: Don't Waste Your Marriage
    2.2.18
    How can we not waste it? Get on mission.

    The Secret Rooms of Our Hearts
    1.23.18
    How can we connect our hearts in the midst of processing trauma?

    Podcast Episode 22: 
    Learn to Fight Well

    1.19.18
    Hint: Fighting well is not about fighting well, but about looking like Jesus.

    Chronic Soul Pain
    1.19.18
    Do you suffer from chronic pain of the soul? We all do. Let's stop pretending we don't--in community.
     
    Podcast Episode 21: Pursue the Perfect Marriage
    1.13.18
    What does perfection in marriage look like?

    Podcast Episode 20: Marriage Is Not That Great
    1.6.17
    Is there a different set of rules for marriages like ours?

    What Do You Want? 
    12.31.17
    Laurie was due for a spiritual and marital audit, and she found herself before a holy God.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 19: I'm Coming Out
    12.22.17
    What was it like to come out to a friend for the first time? Laurie and that friend talk about it.

    Podcast Episode 18: The Loneliness of Leadership
    12.15.17
    Is loneliness a "required course" for leadership as Elisabeth Elliot said? Let's talk about it.

    Times They are  Changin'
    12.15.17
    Matt is moving on to other things--but he's still here. (We explain.)

    Podcast Episode 17: The James Progression
    12.7.17
    How about we talk about a shame-free version of avoiding temptation?

    Podcast Episode 16: Concern and Hope for the Church
    12.1.17
    What is a gift we can receive in the midst of all the polarity we see today? Guest: Dr. Matthew Tuininga

    Podcast Episode 15: The New Health and Wealth Gospel
    ​
    11.16.17
    Does God want us to be happy? Guest: Gregory Coles

    Podcast Episode 14:
    Idolatry of Sex

    11.11.17
    How can we, the Church, look more like the Church? We need to look at what we worship.

    Podcast Episode 13: 
    Marriage Matters
    11.3.17
    How can we cultivate intimacy in the tough seasons?

    Podcast Episode 12: Heart to Heart Prayer with Carolyn
    10.27.17
    Hear the heart of Laurie's longtime counselor, mentor, and friend.

    Chicken Love {A Guest Post From My Sister}
    10.26.17
    Like chickens, we can peck at each other, but we often just peck at ourselves.

    Podcast Episode 11: Forgiveness Is the Worst Best, Too
    10.21.17
    How do we truly forgive someone...in real life?
    ​
    Podcast Episode 10: Lament Is the Worst Best
    10.13.17
    Why do we got to feel the sad stuff of life?

    Against you, and you alone
    10.11.17
    We need something more convicting than the pain of a person.

    Podcast Episode 9: Pillar Practices
    10.6.17
    Pastor Marvin Williams joins us to share what keeps him tethered to Christ.

    Podcast Episode 8: Pillar People
    9.29.17
    Pastor David Beelen shares the critical people and practices in his life that have and do shape him to look and sound more like Jesus.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 7: Holy Hate?
    9.21.17
    Is there a time for Holy Hatred?

    Why I can't hate people anymore
    9.5.17
    Looking into her enemies' hearts won't let Laurie hate them anymore.

    Our friend, Greg Coles, on suffering well
    8.25.17
    Greg is leading worship at Caring Well. Here are some stellar pages from his book.

    Why I am so excited
    8.21.17
    The Caring Well conference is coming. I'm stoked. Here's why.

    So long, Shame
    8.11.17
    Shame snuck up on Laurie again.

    Three guest posts for Lies Young Women Believe
    7.7.17
    To the Girl Wrestling with her Sexuality, Who is Safe to Tell?, What do to with Painful Rejection

    Orlando reflections
    6.27.17
    Matt was finally able to name why he loved being with LGBT+/SSA Christians.

    Why Christians can care about LGBT+ people
    5.22.17
    Because...Jesus.

    What the world (my world) needs now is little, honest laments
    5.9.17
    We got to get the pain out.

    How can we really love people?
    ​3.29.17
    It takes experiencing love.

    Pillar People
    3.22.17
    Who are the critical characters in our lives?

    What I've learned after eight years in my mixed-orientation marriage
    2.6.17
    Are we really so different from other marriages?

    Addiction, worry, and worship are interchangeable
    1.18.17
    We are made for addiction.

    5 reasons I'm glad I said "see ya" to my smartphone
    12.29.16
    It was keeping Laurie from feeling. That's not okay for someone in "the biz" of healing.

    My regift to you
    12.21.16
    Angela, Laurie's sister, shares hard three memories re-written.

    Two days after...
    11.20.16
    Perhaps there is something (someONE) who can unify us all.

    Now is the time to live like Jesus
    11.11.16
    This is why I cried about the election, and this is what I believe we can do next.

    A response to Jen
    10.31.16
    Rarely, do we get involved in disagreements with fellow Christians about the LGBTQ+ conversation. But, we had to share.
     
    There has to be a better way
    9.30.16
    How should we treat same-sex attracted Christians in the church?

    How vulnerability heals
    9.6.16
    Sometimes, doing the thing we want to do the least is the thing that will heal us the most.
    ​
    Inviting Jesus into anxiety
    8.26.16
    Fear has felt out-of-control after having a baby; inviting Jesus into it (even if he doesn't fix it) helps
     
    A new identity
    ​
    8.11.16
    Matt writes about a friend's affairs before and after coming to Christ--and how his identity was affected. 

    Guest Post: Can't I just trust him, already?
    7.22.16
    Another guest writer reflects honestly on how her lack of trust leads her to fantasy.
    ​
    Guest Post: A reflection on "Living with Longing"
    7.14.16
    A guest writer reflects on how she practically makes it through the temptation to run from God instead of to him. 

    Living with longing
    7.5.16
    Sometimes, you just have to endure.

    A response to Orlando: Don't stop caring
    6.16.16.
    Let's not redraw the lines in the sand.

    We men need friends, too
    6.7.16
    Matt talks through how he didn't need a romantic interaction. He needed friendship.

    No shadow of shame
    5.23.16
    Laurie again faces the shame she fights. (Also, a word about the "T" in LGBTQ)

    One year ago...
    5.4.16
    Laurie reflects on the journey of Matt's pornography addiction recovery over the last year.

    ​10 ways to make your church safer
    4.19.16
    Hint: It starts with the individual.

    We apologize for the delay
    4.13.16
    We are going to take a blogging break as we move our home and office.

    The benefits of opening locked memories
    3.31.16
    There are certain memories that seem off limits. But is it worth it to keep them locked up forever?

    Know self, know God (and vice-versa)
    3.15.16
    We share an excerpt from The Gift of Being Yourself regarding the relationship between self-knowledge and God-knowledge.

    I want my daughter to grow up bored
    3.10.16
    Boredom is...boring. But the neurological and spiritual costs of constant entertainment can be devastating.

    Not an identity
    3.1.16
    Laurie guest writes for Cornerstone University about how her struggle is often viewed differently from Matt's.

    Guest Post: How God saved me and my marriage
    2.23.16
    A guest writer explains how God rescued her from a life of death.

    When I am tempted to unforgive
    2. 9.16
    ​Laurie describes what she does when she wants to take back her "right" to pay Matt back.

    The slow descent
    1.26.16
    Matt compares pornography addiction to hiking down the Grand Canyon.

    I'd rather not self-reflect, thank you
    1.19.16
    Matt sampled single fatherhood for a week, and wrestled with avoiding internal reflection in the midst of busyness and boredom.

    Word for the year (and how it might look)
    1.5.16
    Laurie doesn't do resolutions anymore. (Too much opportunity for shame.) This year her word is "abide."
    ​
    Don't let me wallow
    12.29.15
    Is a life with same-sex attractions a doomed life?

    Don't give up
    12.15.15
    For all the chronic pain sufferers...

    //Go to archives

All fall short. All are loved.
​HIMHMinistries.com
  • Welcome
  • Blog
    • Blog Archives
  • About
    • About the Ministry
    • Videos & Podcasts
    • Endorsements
    • Core Needs
    • Resources >
      • Gay Friendly
  • Journey Well
  • Podcast
  • Contact
  • Partner
✕