What do I do when I'm Tempted?

by Laurie Krieg

Recently, several people have asked me what I do when I'm struggling with temptation. 

I thought posting it here might uplift some of you who wrestle similarly to me (or with another form of brokenness...brokenness is brokenness.)

1. Run. In that moment of temptation, I flee however I can. If I can leave that tempting environment, I do. If I can turn something off, I do. If I need to distract myself with something else, I do. Whatever will give me in-the-moment victory, I go for it.  

If I cannot physically leave, I fix my eyes on Jesus in my mind, and say, "Help me, Lord, help me, Lord..." on repeat until I am able to leave. It might feel like a hurricane of temptation, but I work extremely hard to keep my eyes on him until I can make an exit.

1B. Celebrate and Confess. If and when I make it through a temptation without falling, I celebrate this. I might literally give myself a pat on the back--or an extra cookie after dinner. Funny, but true.

If I don't, if I stumble even mentally, I go to a trusted friend and confess (this is Matt for me). Telling someone isn't some attempt at self-flagellation; it is a biblical way to free myself from the shame and secrecy into which Satan would like to trap me. FYI: I never, ever want to confess, but I am always, always glad I did. I feel lighter, freer, and no longer owned by the sin I committed.

2. Timeout.  I have a choice after/during a temptation moment to either A. Dive into the temptation, or B. Dive into shame because I felt tempted. I'm actually going to submit to you that there is a third choice: give yourself a timeout of reflection.

Go alone before God, set your phone/computer/iPad far away, grab your Bible/journal (or only yourself), and do some hard self-reflecting. Ask, "What's going on with me, Lord? What am I craving in ______ [person/thing/etc.]" (I recognize that this is not easy. We are busy, we feel weird, we have 45,000 things to do, but it is worth it.)

3. Answer it. "I'm craving..." Usually, whatever you say can fall into one of these seven categories/core needs:*

1. Appreciation 
2. Worth
3. Love
4. Uniqueness
5. Nurture
6. God
7. Safety

For example, if I am feeling like I just want someone to look me in the eye and tell me I am special, this could be because I have a God-given need to feel unique. Or, if I am feeling lonely, and want to be seen as worth being with, this could be because I have a God-given need to feel worth something.

4. Go further. Then I ask myself, "Will _____ [person/thing/etc.] really tell me enough that I am unique and special? Will she really look me in the eyes enough? Never leave me? Never stop focusing on me like I crave?" Think about it. Really, think about it. "No. She won't. She will have to go to work, go to sleep, she will have needs herself. (How annoying!) She will never be enough."

5. Look upward. "Fine! I quit! She doesn't satisfy, my husband isn't enough, so what or who is?"

This is where our image of God matters greatly. “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us,” Theologian AW Tozer said. I need men and women in my life who not only will help me uncover deep wounding, but will show me the Real God who can speak into deep wounds.**

This doesn't mean "fixing me" or my sexual orientation. This means helping me to see that Jesus isn't the injurer; he is the doctor. He isn't the one causing this loneliness and desire to be seen; he understands abandonment. He is acquainted with my grief, and was tempted in every way. When I can see Jesus with the right eyes for who he really is, I am able to receive his truth for me in this exact need.

6. Receive what you really crave. So, if I'm feeling lonely and want to be seen, where does the Bible talk about Jesus being one who sees me like I need?  

One place (of many):
 "I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there...
You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed."--Psalm 139: 7,8,16

Okay, well, is he really someone who can be with me as much as I need?

"[B]e sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”--Matthew 28:20
"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."--Deuteronomy 31:6

I can read these words and duct tape them to my brain. That won't help. But, if I can see Jesus as one who is open to receive me, and then close my eyes and meditate on what he is speaking until this truth travels from my brain to my heart, I will feel some relief from the grip of temptation.

7. Offer thanks, and repeat as necessary. I am "prone to wander," and this process is my usual go-to. When I first began doing this--along with the deep work I needed to do with counseling--the temptations became way less frequent or intense.  I can't explain it outside of the fact that God is really what all of our hearts crave, and with whom we are truly satisfied.

Final thought: Doing this process alone probably isn't going to do much for your longterm growth. It might offer some help (it may be all you need), but if you have a lot of inner work to do, please seek additional help with a trained counselor or pastor. They will help you to sort out past pain, and this could be a good tool to assist in that work. If you are interested in the care I had, please check out this list of similarly trained counselors in your area. (I do not know all of those counselors personally to give them a personal recommendation, but they have received the training.)

​*To read more about this, please read Terry Wardle's book Healing Care, Healing Prayer.
**I have been to many different counselors, and the only one who helped me was one who focused not on my identity as a sexual struggler, but on my identity as an image bearer. To find a list of counselors trained similarly to the one I saw, please see this list and visit this site to learn more.

P.S. Here is something similar, written by John Piper.