Hole in My Heart Ministries
  • About
    • About the Ministry
    • Videos & Podcasts
    • Endorsements
    • Core Needs
    • Resources
  • Blog
    • Blog Archives
  • Podcast
    • Podcast Archives
  • Journey Well
    • Journey Well: Team
    • Journey Well: Individual
  • Partner
    • Donate
    • Shop
    • Contact

How can we really love people?

3/27/2017

4 Comments

 
Picture
by Laurie Krieg

"Love your neighbor as yourself," Jesus said.  The only way we can love any person is to first experience love in our broken places.  

How do we love ourselves? We need to crack open the doors of our messy hearts and allow the One whose name is love in--not only to the bright and shiny places, but to the dark ones.

Here is how that practically looks for me:
Picture
1. Notice emotions
For the last few weeks, I have been feeling…meh. Down. I couldn’t really name why or what the source might be, but I noticed that at the end of every day I felt defeated.
​

I did not fail in some specific way. I was not especially struggling with one thing or another, I simply felt…off. I couldn’t name it, but I could see it in the way I was extra snappy at Matt, and generally feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.​

2. Sit down with myself
I needed to sit down with myself to think about what I’m thinking about.

On Saturday afternoon, our daughters were miraculously napping simultaneously for a good chunk of time, so I grabbed my Bible and journal and began to write. 
“God, I’m feeling…”

I poured out as much as I could. For me, I know my feelings best by writing them (some of you may need to talk or run to think).  “God, I feel like a constant failure. Inside of myself I feel no confidence. I hardly have a day where I do not think, ‘I failed at ____.’” I wrote. “I always see my flaws.”

Through writing I saw that because I believed I could not achieve even one good thing in a day, I failed, and therefore I was a failure. That failure feeling was bleeding onto others.

3. Look backward
I have been taught that patterns of negative emotions we feel as adults often originate somewhere in our past. One way to help today’s emotional upheaval is to look backward with the Holy Spirit. So, we began excavating. 

“God, when did this begin for me? When did I first feel this emotion—this lack of feeling worth?”

A memory surfaced in my mind’s eye. It seemed inconsequential. Nevertheless, I let my mind wander and write it out. I recalled myself in eighth grade, studying hard for a test.  I had created some practice exams, and was doing well, acing them. I felt proud of myself. Not in a, “I’m the best” way, but in a “Hey, this is a pretty cool thing I did here—testing myself and doing well.” 

​4. Listen for lies
But at the same time, I also felt unseen. Like what I was doing didn’t matter, and therefore I didn’t matter.

Let me pause to say that this is not a knock on my parents. They did not come in at that moment and say, “Laurie, what you are doing is worthless. You stink.” I didn’t tell them how I was feeling at all. If they had known, I’m sure they would have felt terrible and loaded kindness on me. But I didn’t tell them. I didn’t tell anyone. I simply felt it, kept that pain to myself, and let the lies sink in. “What I do doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.”
Picture
5. Ask the Lord for what is true
Well, this Saturday God wanted to show me again that my pain—and I—matter.

“God, where were you?” I asked after writing for a bit about how I felt about the memory. 

I sat and listened, envisioning him in the scene. I could see him across the room, occupying a space I thought was empty. He was rapt with interest in me. “Laurie, I was right there. I saw how hard you were working. I see it. I notice you.” He both cared but didn’t care about my work. He noticed it, but he delighted in me.

6. Check with the Bible
I worry sometimes that what I “hear" or "see” in these times isn’t biblical. Am I simply feeling indigestion? Or is that the Spirit? The only way to know if it is true—even if God isn’t necessarily verbally speaking to me in those moments—is to make sure the truth of what I hear aligns with the Bible. So, does it?
"The eyes of the LORD watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help." --Psalm 34:15

"Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." —Psalm 139:16


"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." —Psalm 56:8

"[T]he very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." —Luke 12:7​

"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." —John 15:3
Picture
That last one is the biggest one. The whole concept of the cross—and the trajectory of the Bible for that matter—speaks to his love for his people. This love exhorts us to love others. "Indeed," Milton Vincent said in his powerful book, A Gospel Primer, "I love my fellow-Christians not simply because of the gospel, but I love them best when I am loving them with the gospel!" 

And what is the gospel? Here comes Tim Keller: “I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me."

I sat on the couch for a while, eyes closed, drinking in God's truth and love. I didn’t feel 100% better, but maybe 45%. Matt came up to me as I sat there, meditating on God’s seeing of me, and he asked, “How are you doing?” He knows Laurie+journal+Bible=introspection. 

“I’m okay,” I said. I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Sometimes things are so precious to my heart I cannot share them with anyone for a time.

7. Let people in
That evening, I fought through my desire to isolate and opened up.  “You know when you asked me how I was doing and I said, ‘Okay’? Well, I wasn't...” and I shared.

Matt listened and encouraged me. My heart was already cracked open through the time with God, so I was able to receive Matt's words.  

Often, when I’m drinking in lies about myself, compliments either bounce off my heart or they are the the objects of obsession and worship. But now, because God began the process and was again number one in my heart, I was able to receive compliments from people as a gift. They became worship to God--not to me.

That’s how the rest of the night and following day went down: Laughing with friends felt like God turning the volume up on his words of “I see you. I not only love you, I like you—as you.”  The next day at church, the whole service added more fuel to the love train I was on. Songs spoke to my heart. Conversations emphasized God's love. Small kindnesses of friends and strangers alike seemed to a reflection of Jesus’ seeing me, and I smiled back at him from my heart.

All of this started when I allowed the Healer to do surgery on my heart, and heal places I didn't even know held wounds. 
Picture
This is not meant to be a political statement, but a heart statement. No matter our political standing, love supersedes it all. "[If I] didn’t love others, I would be nothing."--Paul (1 Cor. 13:2)
8. Do it again
Today is Wednesday, and the euphoria of the weekend's love encounter with God and his people feels somewhat distant. I have a choice today to either throw it all away as a big fat lie, or remember, reject the lies, and repeat. Perhaps I do not need to go back to another memory today, but like the Israelites, I can recall the truth (and blog about it--hey!), or like David, "tell my soul" to praise God no matter what. Either way, today's emotions do not negate yesterday's truth.

Before I close, you might notice there is a lack of talking about sin in this post. I know. To know God's love fully we must see how he loves us through wounding and through our intentional sinful choices. 

Lord willing, next time I will write about this (AKA: forgiveness).

But today, let’s hang out with Love in our pain, so we can better love others in theirs. 
Picture
1. Respond: How do you best experience the love of God? Have you found this type (or a variant) of introspection helpful to really love others? How do you remember moments when you experience the love of God? How do you keep it before you beyond that moment?

2. Journal/Reflect: Is there a random, seemingly "inconsequential" memory that keeps coming to mind for you? Have you ever brought it to the Lord alone or in prayer with a friend? Perhaps the Lord wants to do some healing there...

3. Read: If you wonder why I'm so obsessed with the gospel, read A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent. I can literally open any page and find a quote I want to share with you. Here's one from page 18: "When I begin my train of thought with the gospel, I realize if God loved me enough to sacrifice His Son's life for me, then He must be guided by that same love when He speaks his commandments to me." I am currently rereading it for the third time.

4. Watch: This quick video is really interesting when considering why doing difficult processes like these do not come naturally. Our brains are not wired to do hard things. We need God's strength to go against our flesh that wants to sit, eat brownies, and watch Netflix all day. (FYI: there is one bleeped-out word.) 
4 Comments
Bill Grandi link
4/6/2017 01:47:07 pm

Very wise and very well said Laurie. We just beat ourselves up so much by listening to the lies of the enemy who, the bible says, "comes to steal, kill and destroy." Thanks also for the video. One bleeped out word is not enough to miss the point she is making. :)

Reply
Laurie Krieg
4/7/2017 04:30:50 am

lol. True! Thanks, Bill. Whenever people who have journeyed longer than me/us say there is wisdom in what we are saying, I put a lot of weight to their words. So, thank you!

Reply
Carolyn
5/9/2017 02:36:42 am

This kind of vulnerability with yourself and God is what the true relationship with Christ truly is, fully yielding up the yuck so we can see the lies for what they are, and waiting on the true Word to melt our disgust of self into joy and peace.

Reply
Laurie Krieg
5/9/2017 11:42:11 am

Thanks, Carolyn. Blessings, sister. You taught me so much of this.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    //About the Author

    Picture
    Laurie Krieg is broken, beloved, and gospel-addicted. Read more about her here.

      //Sign
      upto Receive Blog Updates

    Submit

    //Recent Posts

    Episode 103: When to Walk Away
    12.6.19
    Is it sinful to walk away from toxic people or biblical?
    Guest: Gary Thomas

    Episode 102: Ministry Update and Q & A
    11.26.19
    Lots of changes coming! Let's dig deeper.
    Guests: Matt and Laurie

    Episode 101: Exchanging Our Dreams for God's Desires
    11.22.19
    How much of our dreams are selfish and how much of them are from God?
    Guest: Lauren Chandler

    Episode 100: How to Hear God
    11.15.19
    It gets misused. Does that mean we shouldn't try? How can we hear God responsibly?
    Guest: Jim Samra 

    Episode 99: A Gender Conversation Part 2
    11.8.19
    Heather fully transitioned to male and then detransitioned. Why? How? This is not one to miss.
    Guest: Heather Skriba

    How Do Your Kids View God When They Look at Your Marriage? 
    11.4.19
    Our kids' first image of God comes through how we relate. What do they see?

    Episode 98: Talking Sexuality with Our Kids
    We get questions about this all the time. "Where is 'the book' on this?"
    Guest: Dannah Gresh

    Episode 97: The Heart of Racial Reconciliation
    Get below skin deep and look heart-to-heart.
    Guest: Kinita Schripsema

    If We Want to Do Something...Hold Up a Mirror to Our Marriages
    10.24.19
    Culture is shifting quickly. What is a simple but challenging way we can respond today?


    ​Episode 96: Healthy Community (and Touch) as a Single Person
    How can single people engage community and friendship uniquely and in healthy ways?
    Guest: Meg Baatz

    Episode 95: How We Can See Everyone
    A speaker, activist, and author practically walks us through how we can engage those who are experiencing homelessness.
    Guest: Terence Lester

    Episode 94: Marriage and Friendship: How to Do Both Well
    Navigating healthy friendships within marriage situation is not easy. How can we do better?
    Guest: Kelly Needham

    Episode 93: Broken/Beloved Pastors Part 3 with Brad Klaver
    9.27.19
    He watched three men get excommunicated for their attractions. He vowed he would never share his own. Twenty-five years later, God allowed breakdown lead to breakthrough.
    Guest: Brad Klaver

    Episode 92: Broken/Beloved Pastors Part 2 with Johnny and Amanda McKenna
    9.20.19
    The middle of their story included affairs, pornography addiction, and alcoholism--while serving as a pastor. But that's not the beginning or the end of it.
    Guests: Johnny and Amanda McKenna

    Episode 91: Broken/Beloved Pastors Part 1 with Ben and Lauren Schulke
    9.13.19
    Ben wrestled with gender dysphoria as a pastor. What happened with he chose authenticity over his job?
    Guests: Ben and Lauren Schulke
    ​
    Episode 90: The Gospel and Food
    9.6.19
    Food Network star, Melissa d'Arabian sits us down at the table and opens her heart alongside the Word.
    Guest: Melissa d'Arabian
    ​
    Episode 89: Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot
    8.30.19
    NYT bestselling author, Mo Isom, helps crack open the church doors further in the sexuality conversation.
    Guest: Mo Isom

    Episode 88: The Gift of Touch?
    8.23.19
    ​Some of us idolize it. Some of us shun it. How do we engage non-sexual, physical touch in a healthy way?

    Guest: Hayley Mullins

    Episode 87: How to Do Battle with Anxiety
    8.16.19
    Rebekah Lyons helps us unpack practical ways to put on our fear-fighting boxing gloves.
    Guest: Rebekah Lyons

    BONUS: Safe Place Prayer with Matt
    8.9.19
    Therapist Matt leads us through a way we can pray that helps us envision the God who Sees us and prepares us to lament.

    Episode 86: Before We Jump to Activism
    8.9.19
    There is pain in our world and pain in our hearts. We often skip a step that is absolutely necessary before we DO something to right the wrong.
    Guest: The Crew

    BONUS: Jack Haveman's Story
    8.7.19
    ​When Laurie was being interviewed about caring for LGBT+ people, the station manager was prompted by God to share his personal and powerful story.

    Episode 85: Our Favorites and Yours
    5.31.19
    Listen back to some favorite clips and moments with us from Season Two.
    ​Guests: The Crew

    Episode 84: Leading a Church in a Time of Sexual Questioning
    5.24.19
    We don't think it's possible to talk about this too much right now. Let's get once again get practical for the church.
    ​Guest: Bruce B. Miller

    Episode 83: Sexuality and Shame
    5.17.19
    So many people have encountered sexual trauma. What is a pathway to engaging the storm of it?
    Guest: Dan Allender

    Episode 82: How to Lament
    5.10.19
    ​We are learning it is an important spiritual discipline, but how do we lament, exactly? Are there rules--or at least guidelines?
    Guest: Mark Vroegop

    5 Tools Parents Can Use to Build Relationships with Their LGBT+ Kids
    ​5.4.19
    There are a few common practices parents can engage while walking alongside their kids.
    By: Laurie Krieg

    ​Episode 81: Living an Authentic Life
    5.3.19
    How and why do we need to get real--publicly?
    Guest: Ann Voskamp

    Bonus Episode: Book Announcement!!!
    4.26.19
    Matt and Laurie are writing a book together about their "impossible" marriage.

    Episode 80: Fill These Hearts
    4.26.19
    Everything we do--good, bad, neutral--points to our hunger for heaven. Let's unpack how.
    Guest: Christopher West

    Episode 79: Dear Evangelical Pastor
    4.19.19
    ​Conversion therapy didn't work for this retired Air Force fighter pilot and ministry leader. He wasn't about to pass it into others. Here is his word for the church.
    Guest: Mike Rosebush

    Episode 78: Q & D #1: Purpose, Church Angst, and Your Questions
    4.12.19
    ​It's our first Question & Discussion! We dive back into purpose, pain with the Church, and what we are looking forward to
    Guests: Matt, Laurie, and Producer Steve

    Episode 77: The Need for Purpose
    4.5.19
    We all got it: This need for worth. Why do we often find our purpose in following the marriage script? How can we break that idol?
    Guest: Kutter Callaway 

    Episode 76: The Need to Be Unique
    3.29.19
    We both need to belong and yet be unique. How does a family balance that out with their adoptive family and foster kids?
    ​Guests: Brett and Janelle Beimers


    Bonus Episode: Facing the Unthinkable
    The "Why's" and "How To's" of Lament
    2.15.19

    Laurie Krieg breaks it down in a talk she gave in Madison, WI

    Episode 75: The Need to Be Safe
    3.22.19
    Many of us (all of us?) wrestle with anxiety/fear at some level. How can knowing God's character and the practice of lament help us work through our fear?
    Guest: Michael Card

    Episode 74: The Need to Be Seen
    3.15.19
    Two pastors: One who identifies as gay, and the other was his senior pastor and boss. How do they navigate the conversation?
    Guests: Jeff Maness and John Wilson

    Episode 73: The Need to Be Included
    3.8.19
    Traveling. Porn. Lots of relationships. Viral videos. Nothing seems to cut the loneliness problem. What can?
    Guest: Ethan Renoe
    ​
    Episode 72: The Need to Be Loved
    3.1.19
    All we need is love, but how can we experience it--in real life?
    Guest: Jennifer Kennedy Dean

    Episode 71: The Need for Rest
    2.22.19
    In 2019, being busier seems to equal being a better person. Is it possible to both get things done but do it with a restful spirit?
    Guest: Adam Mabry
    ​
    Episode 70: The Need to Be Affirmed
    2.15.19
    God gives us messages. How do we share them without elevating our own egos?
    Guest: Shannon Popkin

    Episode 69: The Need to Be Desired
    2.8.19
    ​A mixed-orientation marriage couple talks about the need to be desired and how it relates to their relationship. 
    Guests: Ty and Rachel Wyss

    Episode 68: The Need for Nurture
    2.1.19
    If the need to be nurtured is to be cared for or held, how do we invite people to meet the need but not demand it?
    Guests: Anna Carter and Shannon Ochoa

    Episode 67: Holy Sexuality and the Gospel
    1.25.19
    Let's explore identity language, God's gender fluidity (?) and how to navigate friendships in the church.
    ​Guest: Christopher Yuan

    Episode 66: 7 Essential Failures of a Faithful Life
    1.18.19
    Failure doesn't feel good, but can it be good?
    Guest: Chad Bird

    Episode 65: Exploring Our Souls of Shame Part 2
    1.11.19
    How did shame begin and how can we combat it?
    Guest: Dr. Curt Thompson

    Episode 64: Exploring Our Souls of Shame Part 1
    1.4.19
    The vague feeling of "something is wrong with me" that you or a friend may carry? It has a name. Let's address it.
    Guest: Dr. Curt Thompson

    ​The Heart of Temptation
    12.26.18
    How do friendship, marriage, and temptation work together? Let's dig in.

    Episode 63.5: Merry Christmas/Happy New Year!
    12.26.18
    We look back, we look forward, and we shed a couple tears between the laughs. Because, of course we do. :)
    ​
    Episode 63: Jump Starting Spiritual Disciplines
    12.21.18
    ​Are spiritual disciplines only for the "hyper-spiritual"? How can we engage them without feeling like we have to climb a mountain? 
    Guest: Sharon Garlough Brown

    Episode 62: Let's Admit It: We're All Addicts
    12.14.18
    Addiction affects everyone--but how can we understand it better and actually get some steps toward freedom?
    Guest: Dr. Gregory Jantz
    ​
    Episode 61: Keeping the Kids Safe
    12.7.18

    How can we talk about prevention of childhood sexual abuse in a not-shamey way?  The authors of "God Made All of Me" help us out.
    Guests: Justin and Lindsey Holcomb

    Don't Miss the Miracle
    12.5.18
    We are in an age of self-care, but do we ever raise the "self-care" flag when we what we are really doing is giving up?
     
    Episode 60: Walking Well as Pastors, Parents, and Therapists
    11.30.18
    We are honing into three groups of people to equip them to walk well alongside LGBT+ people.
    Guest: Dr. Mark Yarhouse

    Episode 59.5: Happy T-Day 2k18 Style
    11.19.18
    We are thankful for ya--and for Alton Brown's turkeys (bless him).
    Guest: The regulars

    Episode 59: A Tiny [Living] Act of Obedience
    11.16.18
    What do six people and 350-square-feet of living space have to do with obedience and identity? This episode.
    Guest: Ashley Auerbach

    Episode 58: If Looks Could Heal
    11.9.18
    Clothing matters. Why? And how can we dress to express who God made us to be?
    Guest: Kelli O'Dell
    ​
    Episode 57: The "Whys" Behind Pornography Addiction
    11.2.18
    An honest look at our stories can give us clues to why we do what we do.
    Guest: Jay Stringer

    Episode 56: Seven Ways to Navigate a Sexually Shifting Culture
    10.26.18
    Sam Allberry gets practical and big picture in this extremely helpful cultural look.
    Guest: Sam Allberry

    Episode 55: Purity Movement or Sexual Integrity?
    10.19.18
    In the 90s, there was a large focus on "just saying 'no' to sex before marriage." How did that help and hurt?
    Guest: Jason Soucinek

    Episode 54: Family Dinner
    10.12.18
    ​We have a weekly dinner with people looking for family-like community. How does that work?
    Guest: Angela Bowles

    18 Things to Do When Getting Real
    10.9.18
    How can you be vulnerable without getting your heart shredded?

    Episode 53: Saying "Yes"
    10.5.18
    It doesn't take a special Christian to say "yes" to Jesus--just an obedient one.
    Guests: Tom and Dana Mollhagen
    ​
    Three Primary Barriers Between LGBT+ People and the Church
    9.28.18
    What makes this conversation unlike others?

    Episode 52: Good Faith Takes Good Courage
    9.28.18
    Culture believes Christians are extreme and irrelevant. How can we be courageous and loving?
    Guest: Gabe Lyons

    Episode 51: Radically Normal
    9.21.18
    ​How do we get off of the treadmill of obsessive Christianity and the couch of complacent Christianity? 
    Guest: Josh Kelley

    Episode 50: Gay Girl, Good God, and Good Marriage
    9.14.18
    ​Author, speaker, and poet Jackie Hill Perry cracks open the door of her story and the daily decision to surrender and follow Christ.
    Guest: Jackie Hill Perry
     
    Episode 49: The Awkward Middle
    9.6.18
    How can we navigate conversations with people with whom we disagree on major issues? Someone who understands both "sides" of one of these conversations helps us navigate this space.
    ​Guest: David Bennett

    Episode 48: How We Heal Part 3
    8.31.18
    What are some practical ways married people can lean into healing when in a tough spot? Laurie and Matt get real.

    Episode 47: Spiritual Friendships

    8.24.18
    What are spiritual friendships? And what is emotional chastity?
    Guest: Wesley Hill

    Episode 46: When Your Kid Comes Out
    8.17.18
    How did Laurie's dad respond to Laurie when she came out?
    Guest: Randy Hekman

    Episode 45: At the Intersection of Friendship and Loneliness
    8.10.18
    How can we make real friends?
    Guest: Bridget Eileen

    Episode 44: Jealous of Your Suffering
    8.3.18
    ​Let's talk about suffering well.
    Guest: Daniel Mattson

    Episode 43.5: H.A.G.S. (Have a great summer)
    7.2.18
    Let's consider the impact of season one on our own lives, and look toward the future!

    Episode 43: Getting Campy
    6.29.18
    ​How can we love our LGBT+ campers like Jesus?
    ​Guest: Susan Titus

    Episode 42: The Codependency Complication
    6.22.18
    What are signs of codependency or unhealthy relationships?
    Guest: Kelly Needham
     
    Episode 41: A Gender Conversation
    6.14.18
    Two stories: One of a child with gender dysphoria. One of a parent to a son with gender dysphoria. 
    Guests: Kat LaPrairie and Kathi Bush

    Episode 40: The Thing About Temptation
    6.8.18
    ​Let's hear an amazing story of God's faithfulness both when we wandered in the past, and when we wander today.
    Guest: Rachel Gilson

    Episode 39: Envy, Pride, and Leadership
    5.30.18
    Envy. The struggle is real. Let's get real with it.
    Guest: Adam Barr

    Episode 38: Gender and Jesus
    5.25.18
    Are there only two genders? What does the Bible say about sex and gender?
    Guest: Preston Sprinkle

    Episode 37: The Gospel Comes with a House Key
    5.18.18
    Let's open the doors of our homes. No doily required.
    Guest: Rosaria Butterfield

    What Are We Saying "Yes" To?
    5.7.18
    Let's not be sin Nazis, rather oneness champions.

    Episode 36: 20-Somethings and Discipleship
    5.4.18
    How can we stay connected in our 20s?
    ​Guest: Drew Boa
    ​
    Let's Journey Well
    5.1.18
    We are offering some practical steps for you to lean into the LGBT+ conversation like Jesus. Want to join us?

    Episode 35: How We Heal Part 2
    4.28.18
    Authenticity and intimacy--how do they relate to healing?

    Episode 34: How We Heal
    4.23.18
    How has the Krieg marriage been healing this last year? It's a real-life update.

    Episode 33: Sexual Discipleship
    4.13.18
    We are all sexually discipled. The question is not "if we are" but 'by whom'? Let's talk about how we, the Church, can sexually disciple better.

    Episode 32: Guiding Families
    4.8.18
    How can parents and leaders of LGBT+ people love them like Jesus?
    Guest: Bill Henson

    Are We in Love with Our Baristas?
    4.3.18
    What's the heart of attraction toward someone?

    Episode 31: How to Talk with the Kids
    3.30.18
    We have to talk with our kids about sex and sexuality, but how do we do it biblically?
    Guest: Branson Parler


    Episode 30: Women Struggle with Lust, Too
    3.23.18
    They do. (We do.) Quite a bit. Why are we so under-resourced and under-discussed?
    ​Guest: Amy Riordan

    Episode 29: It Takes a Village
    3.18.18
    How can youth pastors walk alongside LGBT+ youth well? 
    Guest: Ray Low

    Changing Theology, Not Orientation
    3.16.18
    One student's journey with her faith and sexuality
    Guest: Katie Melone

    Focus on Which Family?
    3.7.18
    How can we relate as a biblical family--single or married? 
    Guest: Dr. Branson Parler

    Podcast Episode 27: What's Really Best for the Kids?
    3.2.18
    How can we disciple our kids without hurting their hearts?

    Podcast Episode 26: Marriage: What Is It Good For?
    2.23.18
    The team draws timely connections between marriage, singleness, LGBT+ people, and the Church.
    Guest: Branson Parler

    The Day I Became Wonder Woman
    2.23.18
    Can God heal painful memories? Yeah.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 25: Friends in Low Places
    2.16.18
    How can you be a helpful friend to someone in pain? How can you be a helpful person in pain to your friends? Let's talk about it.
    ​Guest: Tammy Perlmutter

    The Three Spiritual Identities
    2.11.18
    Performance? Grace? Or Love? Where do you live?

    Podcast Episode 24: Is There Hope for Us?
    2.7.18
    On our nine-year anniversary, we ask that question.

    Podcast Episode 23: Don't Waste Your Marriage
    2.2.18
    How can we not waste it? Get on mission.

    The Secret Rooms of Our Hearts
    1.23.18
    How can we connect our hearts in the midst of processing trauma?

    Podcast Episode 22: 
    Learn to Fight Well

    1.19.18
    Hint: Fighting well is not about fighting well, but about looking like Jesus.

    Chronic Soul Pain
    1.19.18
    Do you suffer from chronic pain of the soul? We all do. Let's stop pretending we don't--in community.
     
    Podcast Episode 21: Pursue the Perfect Marriage
    1.13.18
    What does perfection in marriage look like?

    Podcast Episode 20: Marriage Is Not That Great
    1.6.17
    Is there a different set of rules for marriages like ours?

    What Do You Want? 
    12.31.17
    Laurie was due for a spiritual and marital audit, and she found herself before a holy God.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 19: I'm Coming Out
    12.22.17
    What was it like to come out to a friend for the first time? Laurie and that friend talk about it.

    Podcast Episode 18: The Loneliness of Leadership
    12.15.17
    Is loneliness a "required course" for leadership as Elisabeth Elliot said? Let's talk about it.

    Times They are  Changin'
    12.15.17
    Matt is moving on to other things--but he's still here. (We explain.)

    Podcast Episode 17: The James Progression
    12.7.17
    How about we talk about a shame-free version of avoiding temptation?

    Podcast Episode 16: Concern and Hope for the Church
    12.1.17
    What is a gift we can receive in the midst of all the polarity we see today? Guest: Dr. Matthew Tuininga

    Podcast Episode 15: The New Health and Wealth Gospel
    ​
    11.16.17
    Does God want us to be happy? Guest: Gregory Coles

    Podcast Episode 14:
    Idolatry of Sex

    11.11.17
    How can we, the Church, look more like the Church? We need to look at what we worship.

    Podcast Episode 13: 
    Marriage Matters
    11.3.17
    How can we cultivate intimacy in the tough seasons?

    Podcast Episode 12: Heart to Heart Prayer with Carolyn
    10.27.17
    Hear the heart of Laurie's longtime counselor, mentor, and friend.

    Chicken Love {A Guest Post From My Sister}
    10.26.17
    Like chickens, we can peck at each other, but we often just peck at ourselves.

    Podcast Episode 11: Forgiveness Is the Worst Best, Too
    10.21.17
    How do we truly forgive someone...in real life?
    ​
    Podcast Episode 10: Lament Is the Worst Best
    10.13.17
    Why do we got to feel the sad stuff of life?

    Against you, and you alone
    10.11.17
    We need something more convicting than the pain of a person.

    Podcast Episode 9: Pillar Practices
    10.6.17
    Pastor Marvin Williams joins us to share what keeps him tethered to Christ.

    Podcast Episode 8: Pillar People
    9.29.17
    Pastor David Beelen shares the critical people and practices in his life that have and do shape him to look and sound more like Jesus.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 7: Holy Hate?
    9.21.17
    Is there a time for Holy Hatred?

    Why I can't hate people anymore
    9.5.17
    Looking into her enemies' hearts won't let Laurie hate them anymore.

    Our friend, Greg Coles, on suffering well
    8.25.17
    Greg is leading worship at Caring Well. Here are some stellar pages from his book.

    Why I am so excited
    8.21.17
    The Caring Well conference is coming. I'm stoked. Here's why.

    So long, Shame
    8.11.17
    Shame snuck up on Laurie again.

    Three guest posts for Lies Young Women Believe
    7.7.17
    To the Girl Wrestling with her Sexuality, Who is Safe to Tell?, What do to with Painful Rejection

    Orlando reflections
    6.27.17
    Matt was finally able to name why he loved being with LGBT+/SSA Christians.

    Why Christians can care about LGBT+ people
    5.22.17
    Because...Jesus.

    What the world (my world) needs now is little, honest laments
    5.9.17
    We got to get the pain out.

    How can we really love people?
    ​3.29.17
    It takes experiencing love.

    Pillar People
    3.22.17
    Who are the critical characters in our lives?

    What I've learned after eight years in my mixed-orientation marriage
    2.6.17
    Are we really so different from other marriages?

    Addiction, worry, and worship are interchangeable
    1.18.17
    We are made for addiction.

    5 reasons I'm glad I said "see ya" to my smartphone
    12.29.16
    It was keeping Laurie from feeling. That's not okay for someone in "the biz" of healing.

    My regift to you
    12.21.16
    Angela, Laurie's sister, shares hard three memories re-written.

    Two days after...
    11.20.16
    Perhaps there is something (someONE) who can unify us all.

    Now is the time to live like Jesus
    11.11.16
    This is why I cried about the election, and this is what I believe we can do next.

    A response to Jen
    10.31.16
    Rarely, do we get involved in disagreements with fellow Christians about the LGBTQ+ conversation. But, we had to share.
     
    There has to be a better way
    9.30.16
    How should we treat same-sex attracted Christians in the church?

    How vulnerability heals
    9.6.16
    Sometimes, doing the thing we want to do the least is the thing that will heal us the most.
    ​
    Inviting Jesus into anxiety
    8.26.16
    Fear has felt out-of-control after having a baby; inviting Jesus into it (even if he doesn't fix it) helps
     
    A new identity
    ​
    8.11.16
    Matt writes about a friend's affairs before and after coming to Christ--and how his identity was affected. 

    Guest Post: Can't I just trust him, already?
    7.22.16
    Another guest writer reflects honestly on how her lack of trust leads her to fantasy.
    ​
    Guest Post: A reflection on "Living with Longing"
    7.14.16
    A guest writer reflects on how she practically makes it through the temptation to run from God instead of to him. 

    Living with longing
    7.5.16
    Sometimes, you just have to endure.

    A response to Orlando: Don't stop caring
    6.16.16.
    Let's not redraw the lines in the sand.

    We men need friends, too
    6.7.16
    Matt talks through how he didn't need a romantic interaction. He needed friendship.

    No shadow of shame
    5.23.16
    Laurie again faces the shame she fights. (Also, a word about the "T" in LGBTQ)

    One year ago...
    5.4.16
    Laurie reflects on the journey of Matt's pornography addiction recovery over the last year.

    ​10 ways to make your church safer
    4.19.16
    Hint: It starts with the individual.

    We apologize for the delay
    4.13.16
    We are going to take a blogging break as we move our home and office.

    The benefits of opening locked memories
    3.31.16
    There are certain memories that seem off limits. But is it worth it to keep them locked up forever?

    Know self, know God (and vice-versa)
    3.15.16
    We share an excerpt from The Gift of Being Yourself regarding the relationship between self-knowledge and God-knowledge.

    I want my daughter to grow up bored
    3.10.16
    Boredom is...boring. But the neurological and spiritual costs of constant entertainment can be devastating.

    Not an identity
    3.1.16
    Laurie guest writes for Cornerstone University about how her struggle is often viewed differently from Matt's.

    Guest Post: How God saved me and my marriage
    2.23.16
    A guest writer explains how God rescued her from a life of death.

    When I am tempted to unforgive
    2. 9.16
    ​Laurie describes what she does when she wants to take back her "right" to pay Matt back.

    The slow descent
    1.26.16
    Matt compares pornography addiction to hiking down the Grand Canyon.

    I'd rather not self-reflect, thank you
    1.19.16
    Matt sampled single fatherhood for a week, and wrestled with avoiding internal reflection in the midst of busyness and boredom.

    Word for the year (and how it might look)
    1.5.16
    Laurie doesn't do resolutions anymore. (Too much opportunity for shame.) This year her word is "abide."
    ​
    Don't let me wallow
    12.29.15
    Is a life with same-sex attractions a doomed life?

    Don't give up
    12.15.15
    For all the chronic pain sufferers...

    //Go to archives

All fall short. All are loved.
​HIMHMinistries.com
  • About
    • About the Ministry
    • Videos & Podcasts
    • Endorsements
    • Core Needs
    • Resources
  • Blog
    • Blog Archives
  • Podcast
    • Podcast Archives
  • Journey Well
    • Journey Well: Team
    • Journey Well: Individual
  • Partner
    • Donate
    • Shop
    • Contact