by Laurie Krieg I am shaking writing this. I am shaking because I am afraid—afraid and angry. I am afraid of your response to my words, and I am angry on behalf of those who may change their beliefs because of kind, well-meaning, Christ-following leaders. But my conviction outweighs my fear of what people will think--even though simply talking about a historical, biblical sexual ethic can put me in a box with extremist Trump-lovers and Black Lives Matter haters. In the now infamous interview Jonathan Merritt had with Jen Hatmaker, the headline of the interview and the main subject matters discussed were, in fact, Trump, LGBTQ+ people, and Black Lives Matter. "The politics of Jen Hatmaker: Trump, Black Lives Matter, gay marriage and more," the headline read. For the record, the idea of Trump as our president scares me (the idea of Hillary in office scares me, too), and I support Black Lives Matter. And equal pay for women. And working toward ending poverty and childhood hunger. And I hate that partial-birth abortion occurs. It is murder. And I am pro-life in the sense that life is from conception to the grave—for all human people (LGBTQ+, black, white, poor, rich…). But even though I believe those things, I still hold to a traditional biblical sexual ethic (ie. non-affirming: I do not believe the Bible allows same-sex marriage). When I read Jen’s interview, my initial reaction was, “Wow. I agree with a lot of what she is saying. Yes, be kind. Yes, I most likely would attend a non-Christian’s same-sex wedding, yes, love love love.” Until..she said all relationships are holy (set apart by God). "I do [believe an LGBT relationship can be holy]. And my views here are tender. This is a very nuanced conversation, and it’s hard to nail down in one sitting. I’ve seen too much pain and rejection at the intersection of the gay community and the church. Every believer that witnesses that much overwhelming sorrow should be tender enough to do some hard work here." —Jen Hatmaker I really like Jen. I think her personality is funny and quirky, and I believes she loves God wholeheartedly. She obviously bleeds for the broken. After the tragic Orlando massacre this summer, I reposted some of what she said about “grieving with those who grieve.” A+ tone in my book. But she is also a leader who is talking about changing more than tone. She is a leader talking about shifting theologically. "Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness," James says in James 3:1. Jen talks about “pain and rejection.” I get it. I have felt it as someone who experiences (present tense) same-sex attractions, and is very “out” about it. I agree with the atrocious “intersection of the gay community and the church.” And I agree that we should do “some hard work here.” But what is that "hard work"? Is it talking with gay men and women about their experience? Yes. Is it weeping with them when they say how their parents wished cancer or death on them instead of same-sex attractions? Yes. Is it getting righteously angry about that? Yes! Is it defending their personhood, and inviting them to joyfully participate with us in worship of God at our churches? Yes! Yes! But is it then saying, “Oh, dear one, God wouldn’t want you to be sad! Love is love!” No. That is not the conclusion. The "hard work" we need to do is grip love and grace in one hand, and truth in the other, and allow God to use that tension, pain, and sometimes suffering to refine us all--gay or straight. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. We, as 2016 Christians can rail against some “Christian” thinking of a prosperity gospel that was very popular 15-20 years ago. This was the gospel of pray, follow Jesus, and you will be healthy and have lots of money. But as much as it frustrates us, we have our own version of the prosperity gospel in 2016. It is a gospel of pray, seek God, and then there will be no pain. No suffering. Just normal, laughable and bloggable trials. We have Tylenol, alcohol, social media, NPR, and Netflix to help us cope. (Which, for the record again, I like each of those things to some degree.) Real pain. Real weeping over something like sexual brokenness of any variety must not be of God, we say. Quiet it. Find the fix to make it go away: A same-sex, sexualized relationship must be right because this is too hard. A heterosexual sexual relationship before marriage (or in the middle of our marriage) must be the answer, because saying "no" is difficult. Pornography of any variety must be okay. Just remove the shame of it. All these things really do help the pain lift. Sin works for a time. Sin can make life feel better. But it ultimately leads to death and addiction. Yes, yes, absolutely yes: we need to repent for the sinful way the church has acted with vitriol toward LGBTQ+ people, but we do not need to repent for our theology. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things [same-sex behavior and other “straight”] deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. We can and should without question alter our tone, posture, and the way we interact with LGBTQ+ people based on bad experiences. But if we alter our theology based on unkind experiences, we had better have non-emotional, non-anecdotal answers ready when we report to Jesus someday. We had better be absolutely sure that what we are saying will hold up before the King of Kings.
I am still shaking, and will probably have to go for a long run after pushing “publish” on this post to flush out some of the anxiety. But as a leader, and as someone who will be held responsible for the lives I am leading, I had to speak. Take the Next Right Step:
28 Comments
Amelia
10/31/2016 12:49:16 pm
Laurie,
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Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:06:45 pm
Thank you so much, Amelia. I know...it's hard because she says so much right around a nugget of untruth. God help us all to be discerning, and to love one another enough to call each other out.
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10/31/2016 01:56:52 pm
Amen! Preach it, Laurie, without apology. These are not your subjective concepts of truth. They are God's immutable standard of Truth. And let's pray for Jen and there will be others who will cave to the desires of hurting people. Yes, sin has its pleasures for a season. But like Esau's experience, there is a tragic afterward. (See Hebrews 12:16-17).
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Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:07:32 pm
Thanks, Randall! Yes, it is easy to cave...but not worthwhile. Blessings!
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Mara
10/31/2016 03:19:18 pm
Now THAT, my dear sister, was not careful brave. But BRAVE brave!
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Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:08:03 pm
Thanks, Mara. :) Yes, it felt BRAVE brave. :)
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Suzie
10/31/2016 04:16:51 pm
Laurie, so glad I got to read this. Courageously expressed and well-backed with God's loving Truth. Thanks for sharing.
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Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:08:30 pm
Thanks for reading, Suzie. Bless you, sister.
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Emily
10/31/2016 04:17:32 pm
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:09:29 pm
You're welcome. Thanks for reading, and supporting by commenting. Blessings!
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Steve Krieg
10/31/2016 05:36:51 pm
I've said this before and I will say it again. "...sin entered the world through one man..." That man we call Adam. All of us were born with evil tendencies. No one had to teach me to be selfish, greedy, arrogant, vengeful, lust after women, etc. However, that doesn't give me the OK to accept that as being me. God didn't create me that way. The ONLY cure or anecdote is building a relationship with God - really getting to "know" him. Then we become more of who HE created us to be. "...you will know the truth and the truth WILL set you free." I accept this as a promise from God and he doesn't lie. For those of you who have struggles different than those that I have contended with - I love you!
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Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:09:04 pm
Thanks, Steve! Blessings!
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11/1/2016 07:12:01 am
WOW! Laurie! You hit the proverbial nail on the head! When I read what Jen my first gut reaction was "Say what?" But then, like you, I realized there were good points. Talking points. Acting points. But my knee jerked with the "holy" comment. That is when I had to wholeheartedly disagree with her. I appreciate your perspective, especially knowing your attraction. I spoke about this 2 weeks ago in a sermon and talked about our desire for our gay neighbors: to love them but show them Jesus. One of my daily prayers is not for the two men to leave PRIDE but for them to come to know Jesus (they are professed unbelievers). I'd like to be able to link to this for some others to read.
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Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 11:07:41 am
Thanks for being such a faithful reader and commenter, Bill. Way to go talking about this from the pulpit! Yes, love and show Jesus through our loving, graceful AND truthful love. I pray those men come to know Jesus as well.
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Gay
11/1/2016 07:40:47 am
Wow. Really like what you wrote, your compassion, your tone, your giving honor to the Word and our Lord. The Lord seems to be calling YOU, Laurie, to exactly what you are doing... hand in glove. Blessed!
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Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 11:08:31 am
You are so encouraging! With trembling, I accept the call...to take the next right step in this adventure. Thanks for your prayers! We need them.
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Jessica
11/1/2016 08:14:31 am
Amen! Love the quoting of the Tim Keller Sermon!! Your writing shows how tied you are to your Savior Jesus Christ!! Praying that these words will speak Jesus to every heart that reads it!
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Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 11:09:27 am
Thanks so much, Jessica! I think you are the Jessica who pointed me to that sermon. ;) So good. Need to listen again! Yes, may His words and heart be heard.
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Ruth
11/1/2016 11:35:38 am
Laurie,
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Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 12:56:06 pm
Praise the Lord. He continues to refine me. God bless you and your family. 💗
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11/6/2016 10:18:53 am
Thanks for emailing us and sharing this blog with us. I could feel your pain, anger, grace, and love in this entire essay.
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Laurie Krieg
11/6/2016 11:23:13 am
Thanks, Jamie. Glad you heard those things throughout. That means I accomplished what I hoped to accomplish with this post.
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Sue Anne Haight
11/20/2016 08:48:36 pm
**Crickets**
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Laurie Krieg
11/21/2016 05:37:50 am
Hi, again!
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Jenny
10/21/2017 09:32:27 am
Thank you. Truth is hard but so very refreshing and appreciated.
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Laurie Krieg
10/21/2017 09:41:33 am
Thanks so much, Jenny. You are right. Truth is hard and refreshing. May God always help us to speak it and receive it in love.
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Foy Forehand
8/16/2018 06:38:03 am
So, almost 2 years later, this is still truthful, thoughtful, kind, humble, and relevant. Also, brave; I can't wrap my head around how much push back (I'm sure that's an overly kind description) you must get for "being a traitor" to LGBT+ and for talking to the church about sexuality so much. As Paul said, "hard pressed on every side."
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Laurie Krieg
8/16/2018 03:21:57 pm
Yes! “Pressed on every side” but not crushed. Thank you for this. The encouragement means so much.
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//About the AuthorLaurie Krieg is broken, beloved, and gospel-addicted. Read more about her here.
//Recent PostsEpisode 103: When to Walk Away
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Podcast Episode 13: Marriage Matters 11.3.17 How can we cultivate intimacy in the tough seasons? Podcast Episode 12: Heart to Heart Prayer with Carolyn 10.27.17 Hear the heart of Laurie's longtime counselor, mentor, and friend. Chicken Love {A Guest Post From My Sister} 10.26.17 Like chickens, we can peck at each other, but we often just peck at ourselves. Podcast Episode 11: Forgiveness Is the Worst Best, Too 10.21.17 How do we truly forgive someone...in real life? Podcast Episode 10: Lament Is the Worst Best 10.13.17 Why do we got to feel the sad stuff of life? Against you, and you alone 10.11.17 We need something more convicting than the pain of a person. Podcast Episode 9: Pillar Practices 10.6.17 Pastor Marvin Williams joins us to share what keeps him tethered to Christ. Podcast Episode 8: Pillar People 9.29.17 Pastor David Beelen shares the critical people and practices in his life that have and do shape him to look and sound more like Jesus. Podcast Episode 7: Holy Hate? 9.21.17 Is there a time for Holy Hatred? Why I can't hate people anymore 9.5.17 Looking into her enemies' hearts won't let Laurie hate them anymore. Our friend, Greg Coles, on suffering well 8.25.17 Greg is leading worship at Caring Well. Here are some stellar pages from his book. Why I am so excited 8.21.17 The Caring Well conference is coming. I'm stoked. Here's why. So long, Shame 8.11.17 Shame snuck up on Laurie again. Three guest posts for Lies Young Women Believe 7.7.17 To the Girl Wrestling with her Sexuality, Who is Safe to Tell?, What do to with Painful Rejection Orlando reflections 6.27.17 Matt was finally able to name why he loved being with LGBT+/SSA Christians. Why Christians can care about LGBT+ people 5.22.17 Because...Jesus. What the world (my world) needs now is little, honest laments 5.9.17 We got to get the pain out. How can we really love people? 3.29.17 It takes experiencing love. Pillar People 3.22.17 Who are the critical characters in our lives? What I've learned after eight years in my mixed-orientation marriage 2.6.17 Are we really so different from other marriages? Addiction, worry, and worship are interchangeable 1.18.17 We are made for addiction. 5 reasons I'm glad I said "see ya" to my smartphone 12.29.16 It was keeping Laurie from feeling. That's not okay for someone in "the biz" of healing. My regift to you 12.21.16 Angela, Laurie's sister, shares hard three memories re-written. Two days after... 11.20.16 Perhaps there is something (someONE) who can unify us all. Now is the time to live like Jesus 11.11.16 This is why I cried about the election, and this is what I believe we can do next. A response to Jen 10.31.16 Rarely, do we get involved in disagreements with fellow Christians about the LGBTQ+ conversation. But, we had to share. There has to be a better way 9.30.16 How should we treat same-sex attracted Christians in the church? How vulnerability heals 9.6.16 Sometimes, doing the thing we want to do the least is the thing that will heal us the most. Inviting Jesus into anxiety 8.26.16 Fear has felt out-of-control after having a baby; inviting Jesus into it (even if he doesn't fix it) helps A new identity 8.11.16 Matt writes about a friend's affairs before and after coming to Christ--and how his identity was affected. Guest Post: Can't I just trust him, already? 7.22.16 Another guest writer reflects honestly on how her lack of trust leads her to fantasy. Guest Post: A reflection on "Living with Longing" 7.14.16 A guest writer reflects on how she practically makes it through the temptation to run from God instead of to him. Living with longing 7.5.16 Sometimes, you just have to endure. A response to Orlando: Don't stop caring 6.16.16. Let's not redraw the lines in the sand. We men need friends, too 6.7.16 Matt talks through how he didn't need a romantic interaction. He needed friendship. No shadow of shame 5.23.16 Laurie again faces the shame she fights. (Also, a word about the "T" in LGBTQ) One year ago... 5.4.16 Laurie reflects on the journey of Matt's pornography addiction recovery over the last year. 10 ways to make your church safer 4.19.16 Hint: It starts with the individual. We apologize for the delay 4.13.16 We are going to take a blogging break as we move our home and office. The benefits of opening locked memories 3.31.16 There are certain memories that seem off limits. But is it worth it to keep them locked up forever? Know self, know God (and vice-versa) 3.15.16 We share an excerpt from The Gift of Being Yourself regarding the relationship between self-knowledge and God-knowledge. I want my daughter to grow up bored 3.10.16 Boredom is...boring. But the neurological and spiritual costs of constant entertainment can be devastating. Not an identity 3.1.16 Laurie guest writes for Cornerstone University about how her struggle is often viewed differently from Matt's. Guest Post: How God saved me and my marriage 2.23.16 A guest writer explains how God rescued her from a life of death. When I am tempted to unforgive 2. 9.16 Laurie describes what she does when she wants to take back her "right" to pay Matt back. The slow descent 1.26.16 Matt compares pornography addiction to hiking down the Grand Canyon. I'd rather not self-reflect, thank you 1.19.16 Matt sampled single fatherhood for a week, and wrestled with avoiding internal reflection in the midst of busyness and boredom. Word for the year (and how it might look) 1.5.16 Laurie doesn't do resolutions anymore. (Too much opportunity for shame.) This year her word is "abide." Don't let me wallow 12.29.15 Is a life with same-sex attractions a doomed life? Don't give up 12.15.15 For all the chronic pain sufferers... //Go to archives |