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A response to Jen

10/31/2016

28 Comments

 
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by Laurie Krieg

I am shaking writing this. 

I am shaking because I am afraid—afraid and angry. I am afraid of your response to my words, and I am angry on behalf of those who may change their beliefs because of kind, well-meaning, Christ-following leaders.

But my conviction outweighs my fear of what people will think--even though simply talking about a historical, biblical sexual ethic can put me in a box with extremist Trump-lovers and Black Lives Matter haters. 

In the now infamous interview Jonathan Merritt had with Jen Hatmaker, the headline of the interview and the main subject matters discussed were, in fact, Trump, LGBTQ+ people, and Black Lives Matter. "The politics of Jen Hatmaker: Trump, Black Lives Matter, gay marriage and more," the headline read.

For the record, the idea of Trump as our president scares me (the idea of Hillary in office scares me, too), and I support Black Lives Matter. And equal pay for women. And working toward ending poverty and childhood hunger. And I hate that partial-birth abortion occurs. It is murder. And I am pro-life in the sense that life is from conception to the grave—for all human people (LGBTQ+, black, white, poor, rich…). 

But even though I believe those things, I still hold to a traditional biblical sexual ethic (ie. non-affirming: I do not believe the Bible allows same-sex marriage).

When I read Jen’s interview, my initial reaction was, “Wow. I agree with a lot of what she is saying. Yes, be kind. Yes, I most likely would attend a non-Christian’s same-sex wedding, yes, love love love.” Until..she said all relationships are holy (set apart by God). 
"I do [believe an LGBT relationship can be holy]. And my views here are tender. This is a very nuanced conversation, and it’s hard to nail down in one sitting. I’ve seen too much pain and rejection at the intersection of the gay community and the church. Every believer that witnesses that much overwhelming sorrow should be tender enough to do some hard work here." —Jen Hatmaker
I really like Jen. I think her personality is funny and quirky, and I believes she loves God wholeheartedly. She obviously bleeds for the broken. After the tragic Orlando massacre this summer, I reposted some of what she said about “grieving with those who grieve.” A+ tone in my book.

But she is also a leader who is talking about changing more than tone. She is a leader talking about shifting theologically.

"Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness," James says in James 3:1.
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Jen talks about “pain and rejection.” I get it. I have felt it as someone who experiences (present tense) same-sex attractions, and is very “out” about it. I agree with the atrocious “intersection of the gay community and the church.”  And I agree that we should do “some hard work here.”

But what is that "hard work"?
​
Is it talking with gay men and women about their experience? Yes.
Is it weeping with them when they say how their parents wished cancer or death on them instead of same-sex attractions? Yes.
Is it getting righteously angry about that? Yes!
Is it defending their personhood, and inviting them to joyfully participate with us in worship of God at our churches? Yes! Yes!

But is it then saying, “Oh, dear one, God wouldn’t want you to be sad! Love is love!” 

No. That is not the conclusion. The "hard work" we need to do is grip love and grace in one hand, and truth in the other, and allow God to use that tension, pain, and sometimes suffering to refine us all--gay or straight.
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
--1 Peter 1:6-7

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
--
2 Corinthians 4:8-10

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
--
John 16:33


We, as 2016 Christians can rail against some “Christian” thinking of a prosperity gospel that was very popular 15-20 years ago. This was the gospel of pray, follow Jesus, and you will be healthy and have lots of money. 

But as much as it frustrates us, we have our own version of the prosperity gospel in 2016. It is a gospel of pray, seek God, and then there will be no pain. No suffering. Just normal, laughable and bloggable trials. We have Tylenol, alcohol, social media, NPR, and Netflix to help us cope. (Which, for the record again, I like each of those things to some degree.)

Real pain. Real weeping over something like sexual brokenness of any variety must not be of God, we say. Quiet it. Find the fix to make it go away:  A same-sex, sexualized relationship must be right because this is too hard. A heterosexual sexual relationship before marriage (or in the middle of our marriage) must be the answer, because saying "no" is difficult. Pornography of any variety must be okay. Just remove the shame of it.

All these things really do help the pain lift. Sin works for a time. Sin can make life feel better. But it ultimately leads to death and addiction.
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Yes, yes, absolutely yes: we need to repent for the sinful way the church has acted with vitriol toward LGBTQ+ people, but we do not need to repent for our theology. 
Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things [same-sex behavior and other “straight”] deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
—Romans 1:32

I know where you dwell, where Satan's throne is. Yet you hold fast my name, and you did not deny my faith…But I have a few things against you: you have some there who hold the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the sons of Israel, so that they might eat food sacrificed to idols and practice sexual immorality…Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth.
— Revelation 2:13-16, selected

[D]o you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
--1 Corinthians 6: 9-10

We can and should without question alter our tone, posture, and the way we interact with LGBTQ+ people based on bad experiences. But if we alter our theology based on unkind experiences, we had better have non-emotional, non-anecdotal answers ready when we report to Jesus someday. We had better be absolutely sure that what we are saying will hold up before the King of Kings.

I am still shaking, and will probably have to go for a long run after pushing “publish” on this post to flush out some of the anxiety. But as a leader, and as someone who will be held responsible for the lives I am leading, I had to speak.


Take the Next Right Step:
  1. Read: A graceful, truthful response to Jen's theology concerning the LGBTQ+ conversation  from Jennie Allen.
  2. Listen: To this killer sermon by Tim Keller, "How Sin Makes us Addicts."
  3. Listen: To this amazing podcast , "The Journey Toward Healing" with Brandi Lea and Emily Davis if you're feeling like you are suffering in any form for any reason.
  4. Sign up: For my friend, Dr. Preston Sprinkle's blog here, and you will receive "15 Reasons to Affirm Same-Sex Relations, and 15 Responses," which will soon be a part of a newly edited "Leading Your Church..." resource featured on this site. Preston's "15 Reasons..." paper is worth your time if you're still wrestling through your theology of sexuality (and it's free!).
28 Comments
Amelia
10/31/2016 12:49:16 pm

Laurie,

Thank you so much for writing (and sharing) this. I think you hit the nail on the head here. That article had so many good thoughts in it, but her affirming gay relationships as "holy" did not sit well with me, either. There is so much tension in discussing this, and so much fear. Thank you for being bold, honest, and sharing truth. I pray that others will read this with an open heart & that the Spirit will continue to use your words to reveal the Father's heart!

Reply
Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:06:45 pm

Thank you so much, Amelia. I know...it's hard because she says so much right around a nugget of untruth. God help us all to be discerning, and to love one another enough to call each other out.

Reply
Randall J Hekman link
10/31/2016 01:56:52 pm

Amen! Preach it, Laurie, without apology. These are not your subjective concepts of truth. They are God's immutable standard of Truth. And let's pray for Jen and there will be others who will cave to the desires of hurting people. Yes, sin has its pleasures for a season. But like Esau's experience, there is a tragic afterward. (See Hebrews 12:16-17).

Reply
Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:07:32 pm

Thanks, Randall! Yes, it is easy to cave...but not worthwhile. Blessings!

Reply
Mara
10/31/2016 03:19:18 pm

Now THAT, my dear sister, was not careful brave. But BRAVE brave!
Proud of you and grateful for your courage and integrity.

Reply
Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:08:03 pm

Thanks, Mara. :) Yes, it felt BRAVE brave. :)

Reply
Suzie
10/31/2016 04:16:51 pm

Laurie, so glad I got to read this. Courageously expressed and well-backed with God's loving Truth. Thanks for sharing.

Reply
Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:08:30 pm

Thanks for reading, Suzie. Bless you, sister.

Reply
Emily
10/31/2016 04:17:32 pm

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Reply
Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:09:29 pm

You're welcome. Thanks for reading, and supporting by commenting. Blessings!

Reply
Steve Krieg
10/31/2016 05:36:51 pm

I've said this before and I will say it again. "...sin entered the world through one man..." That man we call Adam. All of us were born with evil tendencies. No one had to teach me to be selfish, greedy, arrogant, vengeful, lust after women, etc. However, that doesn't give me the OK to accept that as being me. God didn't create me that way. The ONLY cure or anecdote is building a relationship with God - really getting to "know" him. Then we become more of who HE created us to be. "...you will know the truth and the truth WILL set you free." I accept this as a promise from God and he doesn't lie. For those of you who have struggles different than those that I have contended with - I love you!

Reply
Laurie Krieg
10/31/2016 06:09:04 pm

Thanks, Steve! Blessings!

Reply
Bill Grandi link
11/1/2016 07:12:01 am

WOW! Laurie! You hit the proverbial nail on the head! When I read what Jen my first gut reaction was "Say what?" But then, like you, I realized there were good points. Talking points. Acting points. But my knee jerked with the "holy" comment. That is when I had to wholeheartedly disagree with her. I appreciate your perspective, especially knowing your attraction. I spoke about this 2 weeks ago in a sermon and talked about our desire for our gay neighbors: to love them but show them Jesus. One of my daily prayers is not for the two men to leave PRIDE but for them to come to know Jesus (they are professed unbelievers). I'd like to be able to link to this for some others to read.

Reply
Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 11:07:41 am

Thanks for being such a faithful reader and commenter, Bill. Way to go talking about this from the pulpit! Yes, love and show Jesus through our loving, graceful AND truthful love. I pray those men come to know Jesus as well.

Reply
Gay
11/1/2016 07:40:47 am

Wow. Really like what you wrote, your compassion, your tone, your giving honor to the Word and our Lord. The Lord seems to be calling YOU, Laurie, to exactly what you are doing... hand in glove. Blessed!

Reply
Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 11:08:31 am

You are so encouraging! With trembling, I accept the call...to take the next right step in this adventure. Thanks for your prayers! We need them.

Reply
Jessica
11/1/2016 08:14:31 am

Amen! Love the quoting of the Tim Keller Sermon!! Your writing shows how tied you are to your Savior Jesus Christ!! Praying that these words will speak Jesus to every heart that reads it!

Reply
Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 11:09:27 am

Thanks so much, Jessica! I think you are the Jessica who pointed me to that sermon. ;) So good. Need to listen again! Yes, may His words and heart be heard.

Reply
Ruth
11/1/2016 11:35:38 am

Laurie,
I wish I could have the amount of grace you have. You can speak the truth but with so much grace, I feel like there will be less and less people taking this stand. Thanks for your honesty, Huge encouragement

Reply
Laurie Krieg
11/1/2016 12:56:06 pm

Praise the Lord. He continues to refine me. God bless you and your family. 💗

Reply
Jamie Ivey link
11/6/2016 10:18:53 am

Thanks for emailing us and sharing this blog with us. I could feel your pain, anger, grace, and love in this entire essay.

Reply
Laurie Krieg
11/6/2016 11:23:13 am

Thanks, Jamie. Glad you heard those things throughout. That means I accomplished what I hoped to accomplish with this post.

P.S. Love your podcast. Keep promoting that grace, love, and truth.

Reply
Sue Anne Haight
11/20/2016 08:48:36 pm

**Crickets**
-- What Jesus said about homosexuality

Reply
Laurie Krieg
11/21/2016 05:37:50 am

Hi, again!

Scot McKnight, a theologian and recognized authority on the historical Jesus talks about it: “When I see the word porneia by Jesus [in Matthew 5]…and I ask a question of a Jew, ‘What would a Jew have meant by and understood by the word porneia?’ I am convinced that the word entailed the prohibition of same-sex relations,” he said. “To use a modern analogy, if you double click on the word, porneia it takes you to Leviticus 18.”

Jesus was a Jew. And when he spoke against something, he mostly spoke against the beliefs of the Jews of his day. Theologian Kenneth Boa notes that Jesus most often spoke when he disagreed with the Pharisees’ interpretation of Old Testament law. The fact that he does not say anything about homosexuality in the New Testament was because he agreed with how the religious leaders viewed same-sex acts.

Jesus also did not say anything about incest, child sacrifice or bestiality. Does this mean he was pro-incest? The absence of words about homosexuality does not mean Jesus did not have an opinion, nor does it mean he affirmed the practice.

Also, download our free "Gay Friendly" resource, and read chapters 4 and 5 (written by Dr. Preston Sprinkle). Let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading and responding!

Reply
Jenny
10/21/2017 09:32:27 am

Thank you. Truth is hard but so very refreshing and appreciated.

Reply
Laurie Krieg
10/21/2017 09:41:33 am

Thanks so much, Jenny. You are right. Truth is hard and refreshing. May God always help us to speak it and receive it in love.

Reply
Foy Forehand
8/16/2018 06:38:03 am

So, almost 2 years later, this is still truthful, thoughtful, kind, humble, and relevant. Also, brave; I can't wrap my head around how much push back (I'm sure that's an overly kind description) you must get for "being a traitor" to LGBT+ and for talking to the church about sexuality so much. As Paul said, "hard pressed on every side."

Reply
Laurie Krieg
8/16/2018 03:21:57 pm

Yes! “Pressed on every side” but not crushed. Thank you for this. The encouragement means so much.

Reply

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    Guest: Josh Kelley

    Episode 50: Gay Girl, Good God, and Good Marriage
    9.14.18
    ​Author, speaker, and poet Jackie Hill Perry cracks open the door of her story and the daily decision to surrender and follow Christ.
    Guest: Jackie Hill Perry
     
    Episode 49: The Awkward Middle
    9.6.18
    How can we navigate conversations with people with whom we disagree on major issues? Someone who understands both "sides" of one of these conversations helps us navigate this space.
    ​Guest: David Bennett

    Episode 48: How We Heal Part 3
    8.31.18
    What are some practical ways married people can lean into healing when in a tough spot? Laurie and Matt get real.

    Episode 47: Spiritual Friendships

    8.24.18
    What are spiritual friendships? And what is emotional chastity?
    Guest: Wesley Hill

    Episode 46: When Your Kid Comes Out
    8.17.18
    How did Laurie's dad respond to Laurie when she came out?
    Guest: Randy Hekman

    Episode 45: At the Intersection of Friendship and Loneliness
    8.10.18
    How can we make real friends?
    Guest: Bridget Eileen

    Episode 44: Jealous of Your Suffering
    8.3.18
    ​Let's talk about suffering well.
    Guest: Daniel Mattson

    Episode 43.5: H.A.G.S. (Have a great summer)
    7.2.18
    Let's consider the impact of season one on our own lives, and look toward the future!

    Episode 43: Getting Campy
    6.29.18
    ​How can we love our LGBT+ campers like Jesus?
    ​Guest: Susan Titus

    Episode 42: The Codependency Complication
    6.22.18
    What are signs of codependency or unhealthy relationships?
    Guest: Kelly Needham
     
    Episode 41: A Gender Conversation
    6.14.18
    Two stories: One of a child with gender dysphoria. One of a parent to a son with gender dysphoria. 
    Guests: Kat LaPrairie and Kathi Bush

    Episode 40: The Thing About Temptation
    6.8.18
    ​Let's hear an amazing story of God's faithfulness both when we wandered in the past, and when we wander today.
    Guest: Rachel Gilson

    Episode 39: Envy, Pride, and Leadership
    5.30.18
    Envy. The struggle is real. Let's get real with it.
    Guest: Adam Barr

    Episode 38: Gender and Jesus
    5.25.18
    Are there only two genders? What does the Bible say about sex and gender?
    Guest: Preston Sprinkle

    Episode 37: The Gospel Comes with a House Key
    5.18.18
    Let's open the doors of our homes. No doily required.
    Guest: Rosaria Butterfield

    What Are We Saying "Yes" To?
    5.7.18
    Let's not be sin Nazis, rather oneness champions.

    Episode 36: 20-Somethings and Discipleship
    5.4.18
    How can we stay connected in our 20s?
    ​Guest: Drew Boa
    ​
    Let's Journey Well
    5.1.18
    We are offering some practical steps for you to lean into the LGBT+ conversation like Jesus. Want to join us?

    Episode 35: How We Heal Part 2
    4.28.18
    Authenticity and intimacy--how do they relate to healing?

    Episode 34: How We Heal
    4.23.18
    How has the Krieg marriage been healing this last year? It's a real-life update.

    Episode 33: Sexual Discipleship
    4.13.18
    We are all sexually discipled. The question is not "if we are" but 'by whom'? Let's talk about how we, the Church, can sexually disciple better.

    Episode 32: Guiding Families
    4.8.18
    How can parents and leaders of LGBT+ people love them like Jesus?
    Guest: Bill Henson

    Are We in Love with Our Baristas?
    4.3.18
    What's the heart of attraction toward someone?

    Episode 31: How to Talk with the Kids
    3.30.18
    We have to talk with our kids about sex and sexuality, but how do we do it biblically?
    Guest: Branson Parler


    Episode 30: Women Struggle with Lust, Too
    3.23.18
    They do. (We do.) Quite a bit. Why are we so under-resourced and under-discussed?
    ​Guest: Amy Riordan

    Episode 29: It Takes a Village
    3.18.18
    How can youth pastors walk alongside LGBT+ youth well? 
    Guest: Ray Low

    Changing Theology, Not Orientation
    3.16.18
    One student's journey with her faith and sexuality
    Guest: Katie Melone

    Focus on Which Family?
    3.7.18
    How can we relate as a biblical family--single or married? 
    Guest: Dr. Branson Parler

    Podcast Episode 27: What's Really Best for the Kids?
    3.2.18
    How can we disciple our kids without hurting their hearts?

    Podcast Episode 26: Marriage: What Is It Good For?
    2.23.18
    The team draws timely connections between marriage, singleness, LGBT+ people, and the Church.
    Guest: Branson Parler

    The Day I Became Wonder Woman
    2.23.18
    Can God heal painful memories? Yeah.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 25: Friends in Low Places
    2.16.18
    How can you be a helpful friend to someone in pain? How can you be a helpful person in pain to your friends? Let's talk about it.
    ​Guest: Tammy Perlmutter

    The Three Spiritual Identities
    2.11.18
    Performance? Grace? Or Love? Where do you live?

    Podcast Episode 24: Is There Hope for Us?
    2.7.18
    On our nine-year anniversary, we ask that question.

    Podcast Episode 23: Don't Waste Your Marriage
    2.2.18
    How can we not waste it? Get on mission.

    The Secret Rooms of Our Hearts
    1.23.18
    How can we connect our hearts in the midst of processing trauma?

    Podcast Episode 22: 
    Learn to Fight Well

    1.19.18
    Hint: Fighting well is not about fighting well, but about looking like Jesus.

    Chronic Soul Pain
    1.19.18
    Do you suffer from chronic pain of the soul? We all do. Let's stop pretending we don't--in community.
     
    Podcast Episode 21: Pursue the Perfect Marriage
    1.13.18
    What does perfection in marriage look like?

    Podcast Episode 20: Marriage Is Not That Great
    1.6.17
    Is there a different set of rules for marriages like ours?

    What Do You Want? 
    12.31.17
    Laurie was due for a spiritual and marital audit, and she found herself before a holy God.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 19: I'm Coming Out
    12.22.17
    What was it like to come out to a friend for the first time? Laurie and that friend talk about it.

    Podcast Episode 18: The Loneliness of Leadership
    12.15.17
    Is loneliness a "required course" for leadership as Elisabeth Elliot said? Let's talk about it.

    Times They are  Changin'
    12.15.17
    Matt is moving on to other things--but he's still here. (We explain.)

    Podcast Episode 17: The James Progression
    12.7.17
    How about we talk about a shame-free version of avoiding temptation?

    Podcast Episode 16: Concern and Hope for the Church
    12.1.17
    What is a gift we can receive in the midst of all the polarity we see today? Guest: Dr. Matthew Tuininga

    Podcast Episode 15: The New Health and Wealth Gospel
    ​
    11.16.17
    Does God want us to be happy? Guest: Gregory Coles

    Podcast Episode 14:
    Idolatry of Sex

    11.11.17
    How can we, the Church, look more like the Church? We need to look at what we worship.

    Podcast Episode 13: 
    Marriage Matters
    11.3.17
    How can we cultivate intimacy in the tough seasons?

    Podcast Episode 12: Heart to Heart Prayer with Carolyn
    10.27.17
    Hear the heart of Laurie's longtime counselor, mentor, and friend.

    Chicken Love {A Guest Post From My Sister}
    10.26.17
    Like chickens, we can peck at each other, but we often just peck at ourselves.

    Podcast Episode 11: Forgiveness Is the Worst Best, Too
    10.21.17
    How do we truly forgive someone...in real life?
    ​
    Podcast Episode 10: Lament Is the Worst Best
    10.13.17
    Why do we got to feel the sad stuff of life?

    Against you, and you alone
    10.11.17
    We need something more convicting than the pain of a person.

    Podcast Episode 9: Pillar Practices
    10.6.17
    Pastor Marvin Williams joins us to share what keeps him tethered to Christ.

    Podcast Episode 8: Pillar People
    9.29.17
    Pastor David Beelen shares the critical people and practices in his life that have and do shape him to look and sound more like Jesus.
    ​
    Podcast Episode 7: Holy Hate?
    9.21.17
    Is there a time for Holy Hatred?

    Why I can't hate people anymore
    9.5.17
    Looking into her enemies' hearts won't let Laurie hate them anymore.

    Our friend, Greg Coles, on suffering well
    8.25.17
    Greg is leading worship at Caring Well. Here are some stellar pages from his book.

    Why I am so excited
    8.21.17
    The Caring Well conference is coming. I'm stoked. Here's why.

    So long, Shame
    8.11.17
    Shame snuck up on Laurie again.

    Three guest posts for Lies Young Women Believe
    7.7.17
    To the Girl Wrestling with her Sexuality, Who is Safe to Tell?, What do to with Painful Rejection

    Orlando reflections
    6.27.17
    Matt was finally able to name why he loved being with LGBT+/SSA Christians.

    Why Christians can care about LGBT+ people
    5.22.17
    Because...Jesus.

    What the world (my world) needs now is little, honest laments
    5.9.17
    We got to get the pain out.

    How can we really love people?
    ​3.29.17
    It takes experiencing love.

    Pillar People
    3.22.17
    Who are the critical characters in our lives?

    What I've learned after eight years in my mixed-orientation marriage
    2.6.17
    Are we really so different from other marriages?

    Addiction, worry, and worship are interchangeable
    1.18.17
    We are made for addiction.

    5 reasons I'm glad I said "see ya" to my smartphone
    12.29.16
    It was keeping Laurie from feeling. That's not okay for someone in "the biz" of healing.

    My regift to you
    12.21.16
    Angela, Laurie's sister, shares hard three memories re-written.

    Two days after...
    11.20.16
    Perhaps there is something (someONE) who can unify us all.

    Now is the time to live like Jesus
    11.11.16
    This is why I cried about the election, and this is what I believe we can do next.

    A response to Jen
    10.31.16
    Rarely, do we get involved in disagreements with fellow Christians about the LGBTQ+ conversation. But, we had to share.
     
    There has to be a better way
    9.30.16
    How should we treat same-sex attracted Christians in the church?

    How vulnerability heals
    9.6.16
    Sometimes, doing the thing we want to do the least is the thing that will heal us the most.
    ​
    Inviting Jesus into anxiety
    8.26.16
    Fear has felt out-of-control after having a baby; inviting Jesus into it (even if he doesn't fix it) helps
     
    A new identity
    ​
    8.11.16
    Matt writes about a friend's affairs before and after coming to Christ--and how his identity was affected. 

    Guest Post: Can't I just trust him, already?
    7.22.16
    Another guest writer reflects honestly on how her lack of trust leads her to fantasy.
    ​
    Guest Post: A reflection on "Living with Longing"
    7.14.16
    A guest writer reflects on how she practically makes it through the temptation to run from God instead of to him. 

    Living with longing
    7.5.16
    Sometimes, you just have to endure.

    A response to Orlando: Don't stop caring
    6.16.16.
    Let's not redraw the lines in the sand.

    We men need friends, too
    6.7.16
    Matt talks through how he didn't need a romantic interaction. He needed friendship.

    No shadow of shame
    5.23.16
    Laurie again faces the shame she fights. (Also, a word about the "T" in LGBTQ)

    One year ago...
    5.4.16
    Laurie reflects on the journey of Matt's pornography addiction recovery over the last year.

    ​10 ways to make your church safer
    4.19.16
    Hint: It starts with the individual.

    We apologize for the delay
    4.13.16
    We are going to take a blogging break as we move our home and office.

    The benefits of opening locked memories
    3.31.16
    There are certain memories that seem off limits. But is it worth it to keep them locked up forever?

    Know self, know God (and vice-versa)
    3.15.16
    We share an excerpt from The Gift of Being Yourself regarding the relationship between self-knowledge and God-knowledge.

    I want my daughter to grow up bored
    3.10.16
    Boredom is...boring. But the neurological and spiritual costs of constant entertainment can be devastating.

    Not an identity
    3.1.16
    Laurie guest writes for Cornerstone University about how her struggle is often viewed differently from Matt's.

    Guest Post: How God saved me and my marriage
    2.23.16
    A guest writer explains how God rescued her from a life of death.

    When I am tempted to unforgive
    2. 9.16
    ​Laurie describes what she does when she wants to take back her "right" to pay Matt back.

    The slow descent
    1.26.16
    Matt compares pornography addiction to hiking down the Grand Canyon.

    I'd rather not self-reflect, thank you
    1.19.16
    Matt sampled single fatherhood for a week, and wrestled with avoiding internal reflection in the midst of busyness and boredom.

    Word for the year (and how it might look)
    1.5.16
    Laurie doesn't do resolutions anymore. (Too much opportunity for shame.) This year her word is "abide."
    ​
    Don't let me wallow
    12.29.15
    Is a life with same-sex attractions a doomed life?

    Don't give up
    12.15.15
    For all the chronic pain sufferers...

    //Go to archives

All fall short. All are loved.
​HIMHMinistries.com
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