A response to Jen

by Laurie Krieg

I am shaking writing this. 

I am shaking because I am afraid—afraid and angry. I am afraid of your response to my words, and I am angry on behalf of those who may change their beliefs because of kind, well-meaning, Christ-following leaders.

But my conviction outweighs my fear of what people will think--even though simply talking about a historical, biblical sexual ethic can put me in a box with extremist Trump-lovers and Black Lives Matter haters. 

In the now infamous interview Jonathan Merritt had with Jen Hatmaker, the headline of the interview and the main subject matters discussed were, in fact, Trump, LGBTQ+ people, and Black Lives Matter. "The politics of Jen Hatmaker: Trump, Black Lives Matter, gay marriage and more," the headline read.

For the record, the idea of Trump as our president scares me (the idea of Hillary in office scares me, too), and I support Black Lives Matter. And equal pay for women. And working toward ending poverty and childhood hunger. And I hate that partial-birth abortion occurs. It is murder. And I am pro-life in the sense that life is from conception to the grave—for all human people (LGBTQ+, black, white, poor, rich…). 

But even though I believe those things, I still hold to a traditional biblical sexual ethic (ie. non-affirming: I do not believe the Bible allows same-sex marriage).

When I read Jen’s interview, my initial reaction was, “Wow. I agree with a lot of what she is saying. Yes, be kind. Yes, I most likely would attend a non-Christian’s same-sex wedding, yes, love love love.” Until..she said all relationships are holy (set apart by God). 

"I do [believe an LGBT relationship can be holy]. And my views here are tender. This is a very nuanced conversation, and it’s hard to nail down in one sitting. I’ve seen too much pain and rejection at the intersection of the gay community and the church. Every believer that witnesses that much overwhelming sorrow should be tender enough to do some hard work here." —Jen Hatmaker

I really like Jen. I think her personality is funny and quirky, and I believes she loves God wholeheartedly. She obviously bleeds for the broken. After the tragic Orlando massacre this summer, I reposted some of what she said about “grieving with those who grieve.” A+ tone in my book.

But she is also a leader who is talking about changing more than tone. She is a leader talking about shifting theologically.

"Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness," James says in James 3:1.

Jen talks about “pain and rejection.” I get it. I have felt it as someone who experiences (present tense) same-sex attractions, and is very “out” about it. I agree with the atrocious “intersection of the gay community and the church.”  And I agree that we should do “some hard work here.”

But what is that "hard work"?
​
Is it talking with gay men and women about their experience? Yes.
Is it weeping with them when they say how their parents wished cancer or death on them instead of same-sex attractions? Yes.
Is it getting righteously angry about that? Yes!
Is it defending their personhood, and inviting them to joyfully participate with us in worship of God at our churches? Yes! Yes!

But is it then saying, “Oh, dear one, God wouldn’t want you to be sad! Love is love!” 

No. That is not the conclusion. The "hard work" we need to do is grip love and grace in one hand, and truth in the other, and allow God to use that tension, pain, and sometimes suffering to refine us all--gay or straight.

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
--1 Peter 1:6-7

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
--2 Corinthians 4:8-10

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
--John 16:33

We, as 2016 Christians can rail against some “Christian” thinking of a prosperity gospel that was very popular 15-20 years ago. This was the gospel of pray, follow Jesus, and you will be healthy and have lots of money. 

But as much as it frustrates us, we have our own version of the prosperity gospel in 2016. It is a gospel of pray, seek God, and then there will be no pain. No suffering. Just normal, laughable and bloggable trials. We have Tylenol, alcohol, social media, NPR, and Netflix to help us cope. (Which, for the record again, I like each of those things to some degree.)

Real pain. Real weeping over something like sexual brokenness of any variety must not be of God, we say. Quiet it. Find the fix to make it go away:  A same-sex, sexualized relationship must be right because this is too hard. A heterosexual sexual relationship before marriage (or in the middle of our marriage) must be the answer, because saying "no" is difficult. Pornography of any variety must be okay. Just remove the shame of it.

All these things really do help the pain lift. Sin works for a time. Sin can make life feel better. But it ultimately leads to death and addiction.

Yes, yes, absolutely yes: we need to repent for the sinful way the church has acted with vitriol toward LGBTQ+ people, but we do not need to repent for our theology. 

Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things [same-sex behavior and other “straight”] deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
—Romans 1:32

I know where you dwell, where Satan's throne is. Yet you hold fast my name, and you did not deny my faith…But I have a few things against you: you have some there who hold the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the sons of Israel, so that they might eat food sacrificed to idols and practice sexual immorality…Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth.
— Revelation 2:13-16, selected

[D]o you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
--1 Corinthians 6: 9-10

We can and should without question alter our tone, posture, and the way we interact with LGBTQ+ people based on bad experiences. But if we alter our theology based on unkind experiences, we had better have non-emotional, non-anecdotal answers ready when we report to Jesus someday. We had better be absolutely sure that what we are saying will hold up before the King of Kings.

I am still shaking, and will probably have to go for a long run after pushing “publish” on this post to flush out some of the anxiety. But as a leader, and as someone who will be held responsible for the lives I am leading, I had to speak.


Take the Next Right Step:

1. Read: A graceful, truthful response to Jen's theology concerning the LGBTQ+ conversation  from Jennie Allen.
2. Listen: To this killer sermon by Tim Keller, "How Sin Makes us Addicts."
3. Listen: To this amazing podcast , "The Journey Toward Healing" with Brandi Lea and Emily Davis if you're feeling like you are suffering in any form for any reason.
4. Sign up: For my friend, Dr. Preston Sprinkle's blog here, and you will receive "15 Reasons to Affirm Same-Sex Relations, and 15 Responses," which will soon be a part of a newly edited "Leading Your Church..." resource featured on this site. Preston's "15 Reasons..." paper is worth your time if you're still wrestling through your theology of sexuality (and it's free!).